Udyama

Being There

2012-02-16T23:16:00.000-05:00

The previous parts of this article are here: Preface, Part 1, & Part 2.

One of the best cartoons I have seen is a New Yorker cartoon by Alex Gregory. In this cartoon, a man is shown as thinking about golf while at work, thinking about sex while golfing, and thinking about work while having sex. In other words, the man is never fully present in any of the situations. The cartoon may seem to be depicting a case of fickle-mindedness. However, at a slightly deeper level, it is also making a statement about love, or more precisely what is not love. How can we say that the man loves his work, if he is day dreaming about golf while at work? How can we say that he loves golf, if he is engulfed in sexual fantasies while playing his game? And how can we say that the man is really making love, if while having sex he is preoccupied about his work?

Once I showed the above-mentioned cartoon to a group of fellow doctoral students in a research seminar, and everyone in the room had a good laugh. Why? Because at some level or other they all related to the man's predicament. As so accurately depicted in the cartoon, almost of all us are never fully present in the moment. The Buddhist practice of mindful meditation is a method that is very helpful in enhancing our capacity to live fully in the present. Over the last decade, there has also been a lot of scientific research on mindfulness. However, this post is not about mindfulness per se. It is about love. The reason I brought up mindfulness into the conversation is that mindfulness and true love both have the same ideal, i.e., to be there. I think the only difference between the two phenomena is the level of analysis. While mindfulness is a very broad concept, authentic love is very specific. Love focuses on being fully present for your beloved.

A couple of days ago, on this blog, I talked about the relationship between my parents. It must have been pretty obvious to you that I admire their relationship very much. But the admiration is not because they are perfect human beings or a perfect couple. Far from it! They both have a whole host of weaknesses and flaws. For example, they fought a lot with each other (only verbal arguments). But despite these failings, they always strove to be present for each other. They made conscious choices in that regard. For example, my dad always chose to come home straight from work so that he could be by my mother's side, so that he could some respite to my mother who had been taking care of my intellectually disabled brother for the whole day all on her own. Similarly, my mom, always is concerned about my dad. Even now, when she has the opportunity to stay with her kids for longer periods of time, she always remains concerned about how my dad would be managing on his own, and so, returns home quickly to be able to take care of him. I don't want to glorify my parents. That's not my point. My point is that when two individuals are physically and psychologically present for each other, to take care of each other, to support each other in their difficulties, and to share joys with each other, that is love.

Being there for each other is not an easy task. It will obviously involve many personal sacrifices. For example, one person may have to give up a coveted job and seek employment in a new location just to be able to be there for one's loved one. It may involve sacrificing different pleasurable activities and personal time on a regular basis. The point is that only few people will be ready to be present for you when personal sacrifices are involved. Only those who do, are the ones who truly love you. The rest is all fickle love, if not necessarily fake love.

To be continued ...

So, what really is love?

2012-02-15T23:50:00.000-05:00

You can find the Part 1 of this article here.

So, what is love, really? In my last couple of posts, I argued that words and symbols of love shouldn't be equated with real love. I emphasized that love is what you do, not what you say. But then, gifting a material object, whatever it may be, is a form of doing. Same with expressing love through words. After all, saying is doing as well. So, why am I saying that these actions aren't exactly love? Am I trying to suggest that some actions qualify as love and not others? Am I saying something like cooking or doing laundry for someone is love, but gifting a teddy bear isn't? No! That would be too judgmental a statement. But before I talk about what is authentic love, let me first of all confess that I am no expert on love. In some ways, I am probably just the opposite of an expert, because I haven't exactly fared well in the area of love, at least based on societal standards. However, my failures have definitely prodded me to meditate on the matter, and now, I think I have a little better sense of what is true love than I had before.

I believe it is very important that we have a good understanding of what is real love, because without it we won't know what to strive for within ourselves in our relationships. Also, we will likely get carried away by popular, fantastic notions of love. Worse, we may experience a lot of suffering when we confuse fake love for authentic love. In essence, our practice and experience of true love is contingent upon our understanding of the same.

My current understanding is that real love is primarily about being there. Before I elaborate further on this understanding, let me first acknowledge that this idea is not mine. About three or four years ago, I had read a book by the Vietnamese Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, on love. Thich, if you don't know, is a highly respected monk, and had also been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize by the Martin Luther King Jr. In any case, according to Thich, "To love..., is above all to be there." He wrote, "If you are not there, how can you love?" If I translate Thich's words into scientific lingo, being present is a necessary condition of love. If it isn't there, then there is no true love; whatever we see then may have the appearance of love, but it isn't really love.

When I first read this Buddhist idea of love being defined in terms of being, I liked the idea. However, I didn't realize the full truth behind it until I started meditating on love a few days ago. Thich's words weren't there in my conscious memory. But when I meditated I got the same insight as Thich's. You may say, I remembered the words of Thich's. Whatever it is, insight or recollection, I realized the profundity of being there for the first time.

To be continued ...

Counterfeit Love

2012-02-14T23:19:00.001-05:00

There is a lot that I have read on love...scientific research studies, novels, philosophical essays, etc. There is a lot that I have done out of love. There is also a lot that I have experienced in the name of love...both pleasant and painful. So, should it not be easy to write a post on love? Strangely, it isn't. Despite my readings, practice, and experience, I feel pretty unequipped to write about love. I certainly do have my ideas about love, but then who doesn't, right? After all, we have all experienced love in one form or another. So, can I say something new about love that you don't already know?

As I think more about the topic, may be I don't have to say something new. May be what we need most is a confirmation of what we already know deep inside our hearts. What we all know intuitively is that love plays a very important role in our happiness. That is the reason, when we do not have enough love around us, we feel distressed. We feel almost as if we are gasping for air. Love, in this way, is almost like oxygen; it breathes life into us. According to evolutionary psychologists, we feel this way because relationships were so critical to our survival. We needed others not only during our early childhood years, but also during our adulthood years. Without the help from fellow beings, we would not have survived the harsh conditions in which we lived millions of years ago. So, the need for love and belongingness has become part of our genetical makeup. And perhaps that is the reason we have so much of trepidation around love; we want to be sure that we have it.

But we do not just want any love. We all want true, authentic love. The issue is that whenever something is very valuable to us, we also tend to see a lot of fakes. We see that in the natural world, where many organisms fake capabilities that they don't really have. We also see this in our materialistic world, where there are a lot of counterfeits for all the big and valued brand names. I believe the same happens with respect to love too. There is a lot of pretentious love out there mixed along with the authentic varieties. Therefore, it becomes really difficult to distinguish the authentic variety from the fake ones, more so because the fakes have learnt to adorn many of the superficial characteristics of the authentic. Unfortunately, the heavy dose of fantasy that we get through commercial campaigns, movies, and soaps, make the differentiation process even more difficult. We have become so overawed by the symbols of love than actual love itself that we have lost our acuity to distinguish the real from the counterfeit. No wonder we suffer.

To be continued ...

What The Love!

2012-02-14T01:36:00.000-05:00

On the eve of Valentine's day, I feel lucky and proud to belong to a generation that openly celebrates love. Ours is probably the first generation that can say with pride that we literally fell in love. Prior to our generation, it was all arranged marriages, but our generation changed the marriage market for ever when an overwhelmingly large number from our generation decided to go for love, or at least, love-cum-arranged marriages. Had it not been for our love and love-cum-arranged marriages, could the current twenty somethings, ever have imagined to have graduated to the level of living-in relationships? Unfortunately, there are a few prudes who still believe that living-in relationships are wrong. Well, you can't blame stupid people. They aren't wise enough to understand that marriage is a sure killer of romance. Take my parents' life for instance. I have never heard them once say those beautiful words "I love you" to each other. From what I know they didn't even utter those beautiful words before their marriage. In fact, they hardly uttered any words at all before their marriage. How boring and unromantic! In comparison, our generation is so much better. We are constantly whispering "I love you" into our beloved's ears. We text message those words, and if that weren't enough, we splash those words on our beloved's Facebook wall. Now that's what you call is an open and romantic society!

To think about it, I doubt my parents even loved each other. Because if they did, why didn't they say "I love you" to each other? You know expressing our feelings through words is so important. The important thing is that it is so much more efficient than having to do all the work that you otherwise goes into a relationship. My mom, for instance, cooked super delicious meals for my father everyday. She also did the laundry for the whole house, and all that by hand, because those days we didn't have a washing machine. Can you imagine how stupid my mom was? If she had any wisdom, she would have only uttered those magical three words, "I love you" regularly. Instead, she chose the hard way of expressing her love through her actions.

Well, I don't blame my mother, because my dad wasn't any smarter either. For some weird reason, he always came home straight from work. Which stupid man does that these days? Shouldn't he have gone to a bar to hung out with his friends? But no! He preferred to come home, and work in our huge vegetable garden, tilling land, preparing compost, picking weeds, etc. That supposedly provided us with a lot of fresh and healthy vegetables for free. You know how these old generation people are: they just want everything for free! It's so much more convenient to buy things from the supermarket. But no! My unromantic dad preferred to sweat it out in the garden. He even dug a small pond, all by himself, so that he could harvest water, and water the plants without using a drop of the city water supply. According to him, the city water was meant for physical consumption only.

What I mentioned above are only small glimpses of the insipid existence of my parents. I didn't want to go into too much details and bore you more. I just wonder why it never occurred to my parents that life would have been so much easy if they knew the value of expressing love through words and gifts. Definitely, none of them would have had to slog so much, if they regularly exhibited their love through romantic gestures. But alas, my parents preferred to spend their lives working for each other. Can you believe that they never bought chocolate for each other? My naive mom thought it was more loving to cook traditional Indian sweets for the entire family and even our neighbors. Today, we are so lucky that we can easily purchase heart-shaped chocolates for our darlings. And we communicate how much we care by gifting huge teddy bears. It obviates the need to tend for each other during each other's sickness. We go out and have romantic candle light dinners. But unfortunately, my parents knew nothing more than kerosene lantern dinners. I'm completely flabbergasted how their marriage survived without the overtures of modern day romantic love. Surely, it was not love. It can't be, because there were no signs of romance. How can a relationship exist without a rose bouquets, pink hearts, cherry-filled chocolates? My parents relationship must have been the old fashioned co-dependency! Thankfully, our generation has found true romantic love. Happy Valentine's Day!!!

A Few Digital Paintings

2012-02-12T23:49:00.004-05:00

Today, in my post, let me share a few digital paintings that I had made, may be, about an year ago. All these paintings were made on my friend Rama's HP tablet PC. As my close friends know, I don't regularly draw or paint, but whenever I do, I find the activity a very engaging experience. I definitely don't consider myself as an artist. Even many small kids will draw better than me. The point for me is to not create any noteworthy piece of art, but just to be completely engaged in artistic activities and experience the joy associated with it.

To get an enlarged view of the pictures below, please click on them.

Let's Restructure Our Environment

2012-02-11T23:56:00.002-05:00

The previous parts of this article are here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3,Part 4, Part 5, and Part 6. This is the last post in the series of posts on Self-Change that I started earlier this month. I do plan to write on this topic again, but I conclude the current series with this post.

In my previous post, I shared about a research study in which it was found that people who habitually ate popcorn at movies had difficulty stopping themselves from consuming popcorn even when the popcorn served was a week old, stale popcorn that they didn't actually like much. This is the power of habits! It can make us engage in activities that we we don't necessarily enjoy or find desirable.

In another part of the same study that I shared yesterday, the research was conducted in a different set up. This time the set up was a meeting room near the cinema instead of the movie theater itself. Interestingly, with the change in the location, the habitual popcorn eaters did not consume too much of the stale popcorn. Reason: the strong-habit participants had the habit of eating popcorn at cinema, but not in meeting rooms. This is a demonstration of how context influences our habit. In a separate study published in the same paper, researchers also forced the participants to eat popcorn with their non-dominant hand, and interestingly, this helped the strong-habit participants eat little of the stale popcorn. This is again a demonstration of how seemingly strong habits can be broken if somehow the mindless automaticity of habits can be disrupted.

I believe that the key lesson from the above research studies is that a good strategy of self-change may be to control the environment as much as we try to control ourselves. In fact, if the environment is changed, then changing ourselves may be a significantly easier, because the power of habits is weakened when the context changes. This is exactly what I did last month, when I wanted to get rid of my habit of wasting time on the internet in the evenings after dinner. As I have shared here before, a morning person that I am, my energy levels are usually low in late evenings. So, it was easy to fall into the habit of engaging in mindless internet surfing after dinner. Although I knew that the habit was unproductive, I would continue with this habit. So, I took wise inspiration from my Behavior Modification classes from undergrad years: I decided to restructure my environment. Instead of trying to not engage in mindless surfing, I decided to inculcate a new habit of reading books every evening after dinner. To read books, I did not need my laptop to be on. So, I turned off my computer completely. This helped me reduce mindless internet surfing in the evenings. However, it did not eradicate the habit completely. I realized that one of the reasons was that I read a lot of books during the day anyway, because of being in the academic profession. So, the motivation to do more academic reading was not always high in the evenings. I thought I had to read something very different than I read during the day. I decided to read fictional literature, and that worked dramatically. Not only did I not feel the urge to turn on my computer anymore, but I started enjoying my reading activity. Thankfully, I started my fictional reading with P.G. Wodehouse, whose books are a humorous delight to read.

Not many people realize the power of restructuring the environment, not even people who have had training in Behavior Modification. For example, in response to my blog post in which I had shared about my resolution to read books after dinner, a friend from my undergrad years at N.I.M.H. (India) emailed me and suggested that I should have the willpower to not engage in the distracting internet surfing activity without turning my computer off. Ain't the fact that I was struggling to get over an undesirable habit ample proof that my willpower was not working? Most of us don't realize that willpower is a limited resource that we have, and thus, we cannot always rely on it change ourselves (Social psychologist, Roy Baumeister from Florida State University has done some excellent research on the topic that I can share here some other time). My thinking is that when it comes to self-change, we need all the help that we need. So, instead of relying solely on our willpower, it may be wise to restructure our environments.

-- Concluded --

Why We Do What We Do

2012-02-10T23:28:00.000-05:00

The previous parts of this article are here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, and Part 5.

Today, I saw an article on NPR titled "Why We Like What We Like." It cited some psychological research studies published in a book titled How Pleasure Works: The New Science of Why We Like What We Like. In some of these studies it has been found that most people fail to differentiate between red wine and white wine if they are not allowed to see the wines physically. Similarly, people could not differentiate between $5 cheap wines and expensive $100 varieties if they they are not allowed to see the labels on the bottles. Even many wine experts fail on such blind tests. The article talked about many people having failed even on blind tests where they had to differentiate between a gourmet paté and dog food. Why do people fail on such tests? Are we all just snobs who cannot really differentiate between the food we brag about and cheaper varieties? The answer to these questions may vary based on whom you ask. I certainly don't have a clear answer. In some ways, such studies prove that expensive brands only serve ego needs. On the other hand, one could argue that isolation of senses (as is done in such blind tests) is not how things work in real life. Real life experiences are always multi-sensory; so, it matters to people whether their wine is vintage or whether their spouse is attractive. I won't go into that debate, because my purpose of citing the NPR article is that it reminded me of some other psychological studies that I had read a few months ago.

In the first study, researchers offered movie goers at a theater free popcorn in exchange for completing a few questionnaires. Unbeknownst to these movie goers, they were randomly offered popcorn that was either fresh or stale. The stale popcorn was really stale, because it had been prepared a week ago. Unsurprisingly, those who got the stale popcorn liked it much less than those who got the fresh popcorn. The researchers distinguished the participants of the study based on whether they had a strong or weak habit of eating popcorn at movies. People who generally did not consume popcorn at movies, ate good quantities of popcorn when it was fresh but not when it was stale. However, in an interesting twist, this was not true for the people who had strong popcorn habit. In other words, for the people who had the habit of buying and consuming popcorn during movies, it did not matter if the popcorn was fresh or stale. They consumed the same amount of popcorn irrespective of whether they had been provided with fresh or a week-old popcorn. Now if you have a researcher's bent of mind, you will ask, "What about hunger?" "Isn't it possible that the people who had the habit of eating popcorn at movies likely to be more hungry than the ones who did not have the habit?" Certainly, yes! It is surely possible that the habitual popcorn eaters would come hungry to the theater to be able to enjoy their popcorn while watching movies. However, our diligent researchers controlled for hunger in this study. They actually made all the participants rate their current hunger before they entered inside the theater. To me, this study demonstrates that even if we differentiate between fresh and stale food, the difference doesn't matter when we are in the clutch of mindless habits. Unfortunately, for many people, eating has become a mindless activity. Almost all of us have probably consumed meals while being glued to the television, at least once.

There was another interesting experiment in the same paper, and it provides greater insights into what people could do to change their habits. However, I'll talk about it tomorrow, and summarize the lessons that I think we can learn from these studies. Right now, it's time for me to get some rest, because, again, I'm very tired today. Driving for over three hours through snow after a long day at work can be pretty tiring. But I am not complaining, because it is a delight to be able to see my 4-legged girl friend. She is comfortably snoring next to me as I type up this post.

To be continued ...

Intro to Energy Management

2012-02-10T00:47:00.000-05:00

The initial parts of this article are here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, & Part 4.

What can you write on your blog just 5 minutes before midnight, when you have been up since 6am? I'm an early morning person, and usually my energy levels are pretty low in the late evening hours. But tonight seems to be a little more tiring, because I had fewer hours of sleep last night. This challenge of writing a post daily is being pretty difficult to sustain! It's not that I don't have topics to write about. However, the disruption of routine following the Ph.D. defense has surely taken a toll.

Writing on any topic, even if for a blog, takes some time investment. You have to sit, contemplate on the subject you want to write, get into the writing mode, and finally write. At least, that's how it works for me. But when your energy levels are not high, it's pretty difficult to concentrate. I won't deny that a few of my last posts were written when I was in such a state of exhaustion that it took Herculean effort to just keep my eyes open, let alone type a 500 words blog post. Thankfully, when I looked at the posts back in the morning, it didn't seem as horrible as I had imagined, though the posts were nothing exceptional either. However, I'm not sure the result would be that pleasing tomorrow morning. But what else can you do now, but to try to type whatever sense you can make while being in a state of stupor?

Anyway, this brings forth the point of energy management. Time management seems to be what most executives and self-help gurus talk about, but as I am going through my 30-day challenges, I am realizing more strongly than ever that energy management is much more important than time management. Our energy levels are never the same during the day. We all have our peaks and troughs. So, it is imperative to work based on our energy cycles. I am realizing how important it is to make the optimum use of the time when when one's energy and alertness levels are very high. This is definitely a lesson more for me than for anyone else, as I struggle to keep myself up to finish this post.

To be continued ... when I am more awake

The Last Post

2012-02-08T23:59:00.000-05:00

No, this is not literally my last blog post. However, it is definitely the last post that I am sharing on Facebook.

I have been very fortunate to have a few friends who have followed my blog with active interest and enthusiasm for a long time, some literally from its inception. Many of these friends have regularly expressed their appreciation, and encouraged me to post more. A few have also provided valuable critical feedback periodically. I'm grateful to all these friends for both their appreciative words and their critical comments and emails. Such observations have helped me improve and refine my thinking, writing and singing skills considerably.

Because of these above mentioned reasons, it has always given me a lot of pleasure to share my posts with friends on Facebook. However, I am deciding to not link posts to Facebook anymore, because now I intend to post more regularly on my blog. As I had mentioned in a recent post, I plan to blog daily this month, and hopefully pretty regularly later as well. Linking posts daily on Facebook would clutter people's Facebook walls, and I don't want to do that. It's one thing to share posts on Facebook when you posted once a fortnight. It's completely another thing to do so on on a daily basis, because, of course, not all my Facebook friends are necessarily interested in my blog posts. So, it seems unfair to bombard everyone with a link to a new post daily. Fortunately, it's very easy to keep abreast with any blog these days by subscribing to the RSS feeds, and I hope my friends who are interested in my blog will do that.

Thank you again, my dear friends, for following this blog, and for sharing your honest views with me.

Ph.inally D.one

2012-02-07T12:03:00.000-05:00

It all started with a tease,

When friends tried to appease,

By calling me Prof. Mishra,

Though I was a mere bourgeois,

Selling trucks and cars,

To the rich local czars.

For my heart wasn't in sales,

I would rather be on trails,

Or lounge by a brook,

To devour the words of a book,

Uninhibited and uninterrupted,

For that curious, ravenous head.

It was intellectual stimulation

I sought; not a promotion

To the post of Senior Manager.

I thought, "Why bother..."

With a title or accoutrement,

If it leaves me discontent.

So, I quit my coveted job,

And traveled around the globe,

To get a Ph.D.

And become a devotee,

Of the Goddess of Learning,

Reading and writing.

But the Goddess wanted to test,

My commitment to my quest.

And obstacles came my way,

To check if I wore away,

Or continued to try,

When everyone passed by.

It may be sound all winsome,

To say that I did it on my own.

But it wasn't at all me,

From which came the esprit.

It's because of Her grace alone,

I am Ph.inally D.one.

The Big Rocks

2012-02-05T23:58:00.000-05:00

The previous parts of this article are here: Part 1, Part 2, & Part 3.

Changing habits is difficult, extremely difficult. The proof of the arduousness comes not just from the research studies highlighting high failure rates, but also from our own personal experiences. Without doubt, I have myself failed on several attempts of self-improvement. Yesterday, I talked about how setting specific goals and writing them down helped increase my success rate. Today, I would like to talk about a related issue: setting aside time for what we want to do.

Whenever we intend to inculcate a new habit, be it an activity that we intrinsically enjoy or not, we have to set aside time for it. This is because we tend to get too busy attending to urgent tasks, and before we know, the day gets over without we finding any time for the task we wanted to engage in. I have found this to be true even for the activities that I absolutely love. Take music, for instance. When I practice music, I often go into a state of flow. Occasionally, the flow is such that it is almost an ethereal and meditative experience. Yet, I have not been regular when it comes to practice of music. The primary reason, I realize, is not scheduling a specific time for music practice. When I don't schedule time for music, it rarely gets done. If it is so difficult to find time for an activity that I love, why should we be surprised when we falter on a resolution that aims for improvement in an area in which we aren't good at and possibly even hate?

A beautiful analogy that illustrates the importance of setting aside time is the problem of fitting a pile of rocks, pebbles and sand into a glass jar. If people pour the sand and pebbles into the jar first, then there never is enough space for the bigger rocks. However, when they place the rocks in the jar first, and then add the smaller materials, everything fits into the jar. The pebbles and sand easily fill in the spaces between the rocks, and that's how the space inside the jar gets utilized optimally. The same thing happens with respect to our time. We all have 24 hours in a day. That's analogous to we all having jars of equal sizes. Now, when we allot time for the important things (analogous to placing the big rocks in the jar first), we succeed in devoting time for our busy chores (analogous to the filled jar with pebbles and sand). However, when we do not allot time for the things that matter to us, our day gets filled with all kinds of busy stuff, and before we realize, another day passes by without we ever getting a chance to develop the habit that we so intensely want to.

In essence, I believe one key element to successful change is the practice of setting aside time for the areas in life that are important to us. If we don't, most likely, we will falter in being able to find time for these important tasks on a daily basis. However, if we do set aside time, even if for as less as 15 minutes every day, we will have a pretty hardened, new habit by end of 30-40 days.

To be continued ...

A Real Resolution

2012-02-04T23:07:00.001-05:00

The previous parts of this article are here: Part 1 & Part 2.

In my last post, I talked about the role that our expectations play in the efficacy of our self-improvement programs. I gave some examples related weight-loss programs. Today, let me share some of my own struggles with respect to self-improvement. Over the years, I have made several resolutions that I could not sustain for a long period. Some of the notable ones that I remember right now are maintaining a daily diary, practicing music daily, practicing pranayam daily, meditating daily, the list goes on and on. Like it often happens with respect to resolutions, I started these activities with a lot of determination. However, somewhere down the line things fizzled out. Usually, it started with a miss here and a miss there. Then it seemed like I didn't have the will power to stick to a resolution, and before long, I had given up.

Inculcating new habits is a tough job. Although we are creatures of habit, we are manifestations of only our old habits. Thus, in many ways, our old habits hinder the progress on forming new ones. We all love the security associated with our old habits. This is not necessarily a bad thing, because our old habits can be good, healthy and constructive habits, which lead us to live happier and more successful lives. However, most of us ordinary folks do not just have positive habits. We also possess bad habits that we want to get rid of. And we also seek newer good habits that we think will improve the quality of our lives.

Can we do anything to make such positive changes in life? I say, "Yes! ...a very emphatic yes." I don't think there is one single method that would work for everybody. However, I'm happy to share the strategies that seem to have worked pretty well for me. The first one is to make a real resolution. By real resolution, I mean one which is more than just an intention to change. Oftentimes, we only have intentions to change, but we don't actually write them down. I have personally found that my resolutions gain much more potency when I write them down. Research seems to support my experience. For example, in one interesting study on New Year resolutions, researchers found that success rate of resolutions was a lowly 4% after 6 months of making an unwritten resolution. However, the success rate was a much higher 46% for the group of individuals who wrote their resolution down. The writing down of resolutions could also be seen as a component of S.M.A.R.T goals. I teach about S.M.A.R.T (or specific, measurable, action-oriented, realistic, and time-based) goals in my management class. I have personally seen that S.M.A.R.T goals have a kind of stickiness which our unspecified desires and intentions do not. It's easy to see how. When I told myself that I want to read more of books, the lack of specificity in my goal allowed me to get lax. However, when I specified that I will read classical fictional literature everyday after dinner, I missed fewer days of reading.

I'll write more on this topic in my next post. But before I wind up for today, let me explain why I suddenly started writing in parts for my blog (in case, you are wondering). Writing in parts certainly helps in the exploration of a topic in detail. However, there is also a practical reason. That is that I set myself a goal for the month of February that I'll add a new post daily on my blog. And you can imagine that it is easier to write and post 3-4 paragraphs daily than to be ready with 10.

To be continued ...

A "New and Improved" Post

2012-02-03T21:54:00.001-05:00

To read the first part of this article click here.

I think one of the greatest barriers to living a happy and fulfilled life is our yearning for the "new and improved." This 2.0-fixation can happen at a materialistic level, when we covet for upgraded versions of the stuff we possess. Or it can happen at a psychological level, when we aspire to transform ourselves. When it comes to upgrading of our material stuff, it's not very difficult to see how such yearning never really satisfies us. New products don't satisfy us for long, and we again start looking for newer avatars. However, when it comes to our quest for a "new and improved" self, it is difficult to visualize any negative impact. What can be possibly wrong with a pursuit of personal-improvement and self-transformation? Nothing, except that we often assume that successful personal-improvement and self-transformation are the same thing.

Research shows that overweight individuals, when undertaking the challenge of weight loss, often believe that successful weight loss will completely transform their lives. For example, they may believe that successful weight loss will help them get attractive romantic partners and coveted promotions. Well, what's wrong if such beliefs motivate them to diet and exercise regularly? The problem is that such expectations are a little chimerical, if not completely unreasonable. Sure, losing excess weight may increase our physical attractiveness to a certain extent, but it doesn't really change all the other variables that influence mating behavior and promotion decisions. In other words, it's futile to hope that some or even a major improvement in our lives will transform our lives. It rarely ever happens. No wonder, studies have reported that about a third of people in weight loss programs regain their lost weight within a year, two-thirds within three years, and close to 90% withing five years. I surmise they slide back to their original weights because they realize that a change in the position of the needle on a weighing machine doesn't really change life. So, there is no motivation to put the effort required to maintain the lost weight.

My point is that our personal improvements do not necessarily give us a new life. Self-help gurus may sell us their books by affirming that implementation of their programs and procedures will lead to complete transformation of our lives, but in reality we achieve nothing beyond some modest improvements. In the language of consumerism, we continue to stay the same 1.0 version, even as we delude ourselves and others that we are the "new and improved" 2.0.

To be continued...

Post 1.0

2012-02-02T19:37:00.001-05:00

Every New Year people resolve to change some aspect of their lives. Most of them fail dismally. Research shows that people make the same resolutions year after year, on average, for about 10 times. Of course, not all fail. But the success statistics aren't exactly encouraging. Among those who succeed, successful change happens only after attempting the same resolution for 6 times, on average.

I don't know about you, but these statistics appear pretty depressing to me, especially, because the figures are not from the yellow press. These are figures from top-tier peer reviewed journals in psychology. So, is personal change that difficult? Do we fool ourselves when we vow to start a new life? If we make the same resolutions for about 10 times, on what basis do we harbor hopes for successful change when our previous attempts had been hopeless failures? As the optimists say, may be, I should see the positive side. May be the fact that we keep trying despite failures is a sign of our persistence and resilience, and not a sign of our ludicrous naiveté that lets us regale in our false hopes.

May be we all are intuitively skeptic about our ability to change, but we still try because that seems to be the right thing to do. Long ago, when I was in the first year of my undergrad, in a long-delayed welcome ceremony for freshmen, my seniors asked me to share my New Year's resolutions. As an earnest young man always eager to im-prove himself, I am sure I had made at least a couple of resolutions that year as well. However, I didn't want to share my resolutions publicly with everyone. So, I gave a tongue-in-cheek reply, "My New Year's resolution is that I won't make New Year's resolutions anymore... they fail anyway." My seniors seemed to like my response, because I got a lot of clapping and cheers.

My reply may have pleased my seniors, or at least amused them, but the earnest man in me has diligently continued his attempts at self-improvement. And I can confidently say that I have improved at least in some spheres of life. I guess that makes me an "improved" man, if not "new and improved." The latter title has traditionally been the reserve of soaps and toothpastes only, though now everyone has become very ambitious. Cellphones, web browsers, tablets, and computers, all become more attractive when the "new and improved" version comes with numerical suffixes of 2.0, 3.0... Some even stall their purchases by a year, because they want nothing less than the "new and improved" version. Of course, these people are much better than those who discard their 2.0 the moment 3.0 hits the market, because our obsession with "new and improved" products can continue indefinitely only if we get an Earth 2.0.

To be continued ...

On Occasion of the Indian Republic Day

2012-01-26T23:19:00.001-05:00

Wanted to sing and post the song Yeh jo desh hai tera on occasion of the Republic Day. Tried it last night, but the recording didn't come out well. My voice sounded really croaky. It's not easy to sing after lecturing for one and half hours, especially if you are giving your lecture in a hall that has a seating capacity of over 250. Usually, whenever I am teaching in these large halls, I use a microphone. However, yesterday the microphone didn't work because of some technical difficulty. Actually, only the batteries had died but I realized that only after my class got over. Anyway, my voice was a little tired and hoarse after the class. So, when I sang the song after coming home, it didn't come out well. That said, I wonder how did Swami Vivekananda address a crowd of over seven thousand without any microphone at the 1893 Parliament of World Religions in Chicago. Clearly, I have a long way to go. Coming back to the song, I re-recorded the song today evening. It's pretty crude, but much better than my last evening's version. I'm happy that I succeeded in posting the song when it is still officially the January-26. Happy Republic Day!

Victory over our own self

2012-01-17T22:55:00.000-05:00

Many of you have already seen this video in which my niece is singing the prayer Hum ko man ki shakti dena.

I just love listening to this prayer from my niece. So much so that each time I call my sister I make my niece sing it again for me. But after humoring me for a couple of times she got tired, and wouldn't sing the song. So, I pretended that I didn't know the prayer, and actually wanted to learn it from her. That worked. Now I have been getting regular lessons from my niece. And a real good teacher she is! But of course, I am being a poor learner. I keep forgetting the lines when my niece asks me to sing the song independently, without her support. That's how our lessons continue.

Back to the song itself, I find its lyrics very inspiring. I often hum the song whenever I face any potentially overwhelming difficulties. Today was one of those days. But the invigorating words of the prayer instilled enough strength in me that I was able to face the challenges courageously.

Here's the song in my voice. I hope it inspires more people to discover their inner strengths.

English Translation of Lyrics

(Original Hindi Lyrics by Gulzar)

God, please give us the strength of the mind...
So that we can win victory over our minds,
So that before trying to be victorious over others,
We first gain victory over our own self.

So that we keep our hearts free from any prejudices,
So that we are able to forgive when our friends commit mistakes,
So that we keep away from falsehood, and fill our hearts with truth,
So that before trying to be victorious over others,
We first gain victory over our own self.

When troubles befall on us, please have this much grace...
So that we always support justice and tread a moral path,
So that we remain confident and fearless,
So that before trying to be victorious over others,
We first gain victory over our own self.

For the love of reading

2012-01-01T20:15:00.001-05:00

My new tea mug

My friends, Rama and her husband gifted me the above mug this holiday season. I love it! Of course, I love Schulz's Peanuts, but I also identify myself with the specific quote on the mug. It so aptly describes the current state of my mind! Although I have spent a large portion of my 36+ years of life studying (or may be because of it), I feel like I know so little. The statement might sound a little cliched, but it's true. In any case, I feel fortunate that the realization that I am ignorant despite years of study has not demotivated me from studying more. In fact, I love reading more than ever. That said, the journey hasn't been without problems. The biggest hurdle has come from the distractions of technology. Today, the distractions of TV, internet, and smart phones have severely hindered the development and maintenance of good reading habits. Sure, there's also a lot of valuable information on the TV and internet, but how many of us spend more time on the History Channel and Wikipedia than we do watching junk on television and following Facebook? In addition, can television ever stimulate our critical thinking and creative faculties the way books do? Groucho Marx, in his characteristic style of humor, once said, "I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go in the other room and read a book." But where do you go when you yourselves turn on the television? And where do you escape if you have the distractions of smartphones and iPods constantly glued onto you? I'm not saying that these instruments do not have their utilities. Of course, they do. In fact, I don't own a television or a smartphone, but I do use a laptop, which is the instrument of my work. Unfortunately, it is also the instrument of my entertainment, and that creates distractions for work, reading, and other creative pursuits. So, I am starting this new year with a 30-day challenge of turning off all my gadgets (and that includes my work laptop as well) for at least an hour after dinner everyday to uninterruptedly explore the pleasures of reading.

John Milton's quote at the entrance to the Main Reading Room of the New York Public Library.

Filled with love...

2011-12-22T17:43:00.000-05:00

In ode to love, here's a beautiful ghazal that is based on Raga Kafi. It was originally sung by the Pakistani Ghazal maestro Mehdi Hassan for the Pakistani movie Chahat (1974).

If you hadn't heard the original, you can find it here.

English Translation of Lyrics

Filled with love, those bashful eyes
From which my heart derives peace
No one knows why they are so bashful.
Oh, how do they make me long (for you)?

Filled with love....

My heart just wants to sing for you
As you listen, I keep on singing for you
If you stay with me
I'll even rebuff the world
I'll charm your heart

Filled with love...

I'm scared that I might get separated from you
That on losing you, I can't find you
I hope this doesn't happen that
When I take your name on my lips
I only roll down as drops of tears

From which my heart derives peace
Filled with love, those bashful eyes...

Making friendship with life

2011-12-04T14:55:00.001-05:00

Learnt this morning that Dev Anand, the debonair film star of the 50s and 60s, died yesterday. Dev Anand's movies always had the best music. There are hundreds of songs that I love from Dev Anand's movies, but the one that I perhaps relate to most at a personal level is Main Zindagi Ka Saath Nibhata Chala Gaya. Sahir's lyrics, which is concurrently philosophical and lighthearted, unfailingly touches your heart. Here's the song in tribute to the indefatigable star:

Title: Main Zindagi Ka Saath Nibhata Chala Gaya

Movie: Hum Dono (1961)

Music: Jaidev

Lyrics: Sahir Ludhianvi

Original Singer: Md. Rafi

English Translation of Lyrics

I lived making friendship with life
I blew away my worries and tensions into the air

Grieving over tragedies was useless
so, I moved on celebrating those tragedies

Whatever I received, I took it as my destiny
Whatever I lost, I went on forgetting it

Where there is no difference between happiness and sadness
I moved on, bringing my heart to that state (of equanimity)

I never wrote them

2011-11-21T11:18:00.001-05:00

Have you ever started writing something without having any clue of what you are going to write? This post is probably going to be one of those writings, because I have a strong urge to write without any idea of what I want to write about. As you can imagine, this is a pretty uncomfortable state. So, whenever I am in such a state, there is an accompanying drive to get rid of that state of discomfort. The drive sometimes makes me hunch on my laptop and poke the keyboard for a couple of hours or more. The outcome is sometimes a bunch of junk that I end up discarding the next day. At other times, the outcome appears so beautiful that I wonder if it was really me who wrote those insightful words. Irrespective of the quality of the outcome, the act of just letting the words flow when one feels the urge to write is definitely a very satisfying experience.

That said words don't always flow well, nor do thoughts, and I end up struggling for hours on a single paragraph. Such struggle can sometimes be so vivid that I subconsciously avoid writing for a while. Although since I became aware of my avoidance behavior, I usually force myself to write, even if it means a painful exertion with disjointed thoughts and words for an hour or two. This can be a very draining exercise, but at the end of it, I still feel happy that I stuck through and did my part of the job.

Ultimately, my experiences with writing have made me realize that writing is not something that I do. Yes, I always do the physical part of it, but my struggles have also made me aware of the limitations of my writing ability. So, I have no illusions about being a talented writer. Yet sometimes, my writing does connect with people at a deep level. I believe this happens when I am myself connected with an intelligence more profound than mine. This might sound like new agey mumbo jumbo to some, but I can't think of a better explanation of why I sometimes get pleasantly surprised by my own writings--it's as if I never wrote them.

Back to Blogging

2011-11-13T22:23:00.000-05:00

It's been quite a while since I posted anything here on this blog. That's simply because blogging was completely off my interest radar over the last couple of months. Basically, I wanted to spend some time introspecting before expressing anything new on my blog. I don't want to give the impression that I had gone into some kind of cocoon. Far from it! In fact, I have been very active, energetic, and also, more disciplined in my life than I have ever been. Life has really been extraordinarily beautiful over the last several months. I believe this could happen because of living closer to the heart. I know I still have a lot of room for improvement. In fact, sometimes it seems like I have mansion's worth of space for improvement. I feel this way especially when I fall into my old habitual patterns of living. The good news is that these days when I slide into inertia, I notice this happening much more quickly than I did before. So, coming out of the clutches of negative inertia doesn't require as much effort as it used to. Finally it feels like I have got back into the flow of life. Sure, the flow sometimes passes through treacherous falls and gorges, but it seems like there is some invisible force that keeps me buoyant and prevents me from hitting the deadly rocks on the path. I have come to realize that this invisible force was always there for me, but I struggled so much before that I ended up hurting myself more. It is difficult not be scared when the forces of life sweep you away, but thankfully, I am learning to trust in the power and wisdom of the Divine. This trust is really making a huge difference to my physical, mental, and emotional well-being. I am grateful to all the forces in life that helped me regain that trust in love. I feel grateful for all the love that I see in and around me. And I am deeply grateful to Maa Shakti for letting me experience Her energetic presence in my life.

P.S.: It feels really good to be blogging again. Thank you my dear friends for urging me to do so.

Happy Ganesha Chaturthi!

2011-09-01T07:44:00.004-04:00

वक्रतुंड महाकाय सूर्यकोटिसमप्रभ।

निर्विघ्नं कुरु मे देव सर्वकार्येषु सर्वदा॥

English Transliteration:

"Vakratunda Mahakaaya, Suryakoti Samaprabha

Nirvighnam Kuru Mey Deva, Sarva Kaaryeshu Sarvada"

Meaning of Sloka: Lord Ganesha has a curved trunk with a powerful body. He has the brilliance of a million suns. May the Lord, remove all the problems from the actions I aim to achieve.

Today is Ganesh Chaturthi--the festival that honors the Hindu God, Lord Ganesha. With the body of a human and the head of an elephant, Lord Ganesha is probably the most recognizable Hindu God in the world. He is the God of knowledge and wisdom. He is widely worshiped as the remover of obstacles; He is called Vighnahartā, which literally means obstacle-averter.

What most of us don't appreciate is Ganesha's role as Vighnakartā (i.e., obstacle-creator). As Vigneshvara (i.e., Lord of Obstacles), Ganesha is not only responsible for removing obstacles from our path but also for creating them. Does anyone pray God to create obstacles on our path? Most of us don't. Some wretched souls might pray that obstacles be created on the paths of the people they are envious of, but rarely, if ever, do we solicit for obstacles on our own paths of success and happiness. I definitely have never prayed for impediments to be placed on my path, but needless to say, I have had enough of them in my life. In fact, sometimes it has felt like I got more than a fair share of bumps in my life, and during these times, I have complained, "Why me?" "Why is life so unfair to me?" But with the wisdom of hindsight, I can say confidently that I am extremely grateful for all the problems that I have encountered on my life's journey. I sincerely believe that they have made me stronger and a little more compassionate. They have taught me to be more patient. And most importantly, they have led me to appreciate the fact that failure can sometimes be the best gift one ever got. If I had not faced repeated bumps on the path leading to fulfillment of my desires, I surely would have ended up in a dump.

Thus, on Ganesh Chaturthi, as I wish for hurdles to be removed from our paths of success and happiness, I also wish for enough difficulties that help us become better human beings. Let us have the wisdom of not getting overly frustrated when we encounter impediments in our life. As Oscar Wilde is supposed to have said, “There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” I believe the reverse is also true, i.e., "There are two blessings in life: one is getting what one wants, and the other is not getting it." From this perspective, tragedies and blessings are nothing but two sides of the same coin. And as we get showered with these coins of tragedies/blessings, we only get richer.

---x---

In the video below, my cousin is reciting the Vignavinayaka Stotram. As will be obvious to you, he suffers from cerebral palsy and is intellectually disabled, but he has an exceptional ability of being able to remember and recite even super-long and complex Sanskrit slokas.

Happy Ganesha Chaturthi!

Ready to Die

2011-08-10T18:47:00.005-04:00

Dreams, be they the type you get in sleep or the waking kind, are an important part of our life. I had always been little bit of a day dreamer, but from a little over a year ago, I also started paying attention to the dreams in my sleep. What impelled me to attend to my dreams was a spiritual dream that had a profound impact on me. I might have had spiritual dreams before but it was for the first time I had dreamt something that coincided perfectly with some independent events in waking life that I had no prior knowledge of. This dream made me question my complete reliance on rational thought. Following this experience, I read up a few books that talked about dreams. Gradually, I was also motivated to keep a journal of my dreams. Actually, I had done this before as well during my undergrad years, but was never regular about it. Later, I had a few more high-impact dreams, following which I got into a habit of writing down my dreams immediately after I woke up from bed. After noting down my dreams, I also try to interpret them and discover the wisdom that may exist in them. Of course, I fail to make sense of a lot of my dreams. Even for the ones that I seem to have made some sense of, I have later realized that they didn’t mean what I had initially thought they meant. Dream interpretation is difficult, but now I do take the time to appreciate the wisdom in my sub-conscious mind.

Yesterday, influenced by a dream, I came up with a bucket list. It’s a list of all the crazy things I want to do before I die. Well, the word “crazy” is of course relative, but my list primarily includes activities that (at least) I can’t do by merely wishing for it or just showing up somewhere. To achieve most of the things on my list, I will have to work hard, sometimes extremely hard for a prolonged period of time.

I won’t go over my list here now, but I will surely share some of the things on my list as I start realizing them. I am not sharing my list now, because sharing the list can actually reduce the likelihood of me fulfilling my dreams. This is suggested by some recent psychological and neuropsychological research: When we share our valued goals publicly, our brain feels rewarded by this sharing the very same way it enjoys the achievement itself. Consequently, this reduces the motivation needed to work on the achievement of those goals. That said I did share my list with a just couple of people. If my bucket list gets completed derailed because of this, then so be it. I don't care about the derailment because I have strangely become a very content man. This is a very new development. I use to ruminate, complain, and worry a lot in my mind, but now my mind feels very calm.

The change must have been happening below the surface slowly, but it's manifestation has definitely been pretty sudden. No, nothing great has suddenly happened in my life that has brought me to this state. In fact, just a couple of hours ago, I learnt that something that I was wishing for is not going to work out, but fortunately, that didn’t affect my feeling of contentment with life. The feeling is almost like being on drugs, though frankly I don't know if this is a correct comparison because I have never had any drugs in my life. Somehow I feel so completely satisfied with life that it almost feels like I am ready to die. I’m not sure what exactly caused this transition in me. Nor do I know how long this state is going to last, but right now I am reveling in this deep sense of gratitude and contentment that has engulfed me. Oh, what a wonderful state it is to be in, where there are wishes, goals, and even a drive, but no yearning and no lamentations! O' Time, whatever you bring with you, I welcome you!

I'm not getting sleep...

2011-08-05T19:27:00.009-04:00

Since I returned from India I have not been getting enough sleep in the night. The first couple of days I was very drowsy during the day but couldn't sleep at night. After that my sleep cycle adjusted to the US time zone but not completely. I have been waking up at 3am. That's a little too early even for a morning person like me. But I have been making good use of this early wake up routine. I sure get more time to do my morning meditation. And the pre-dawn meditation experience has been so amazing that now I want to make this early waking up a habit, though I think I'll keep the rising time to 4am.

In any case, here's a song on the topic of not getting sleep at night. It's a lovely romantic song from the 1958 movie Post Box #999. In my recording I did not use any karaoke or background music, and just recorded my voice. Hope you like it.

Original Singers: Hemant Kumar, Lata Mangeshkar

Music Director: Kalyanji Anandji

Lyrics: Santoshi P L

Here's another version: one that I had sung in base.

Which one sounds better?

Beauty from Dirt

2011-07-01T20:39:00.008-04:00

Went on a short hike today evening after a long day, and spotted these really beautiful mushrooms.

For No One

2011-06-18T20:50:00.009-04:00

Here comes a post after a long time. Have been very busy with my dissertation, but today I decided to take a break. Went to the local farmer's market in the morning, took a long lazy nap in the afternoon, then spicy mirchi bhajji in the evening at my friend's place. Can a day be any more relaxing? After I came back home, put on music, and there was this beautiful Beatles song that started playing, "For no one." I just love this song. Thought I may as well try to sing it. It's a kind of quick recording, without much rehearsal, but I hope it isn't too bad. It's of course difficult to recreate the magic of Paul McCartney, especially when it is one of his best work. But for me the fun is always in the play, not the outcome of it. So I am pleased. And as the title of the song goes, this song is dedicated to no one.

Now, I am off to spending a "Midnight in Paris."

Watermark

2011-04-26T17:14:00.011-04:00

(The above picture was taken at Bloomington's Griffy Lake)

Watermark

I wanted to leave a mark,

I wished to glow in the dark.

But when I tried to carve,

My name I heard somebody laugh.

I looked around to see,

Who it could be.

But there was no one around.

So from where came that sound?

I refocused on the rock.

That's when I got my big shock.

The rock had turned into water!

Now useless was my stone cutter.

I still tried to engrave my name,

Desperate that I was to make my claim.

But on water you can't leave a mark,

It's gone even before you complete an arc.

I got frustrated and confused.

Now, how could I carry on with my pursuit,

Of leaving a great legacy?

I felt I was losing my self-efficacy.

Disappointed and dejected,

I thought it was time I aborted

My dream. And that was when

I heard that sound again.

"You don't have to worry!

Things may seem a little blurry,

But that's because you see solid,

When reality is always fluid."

"At first a stone may seem real hard,

But if you learn to discard,

The illusions you hold in your mind,

Empty space is all you'll find."

That's all that I heard!

Followed by silence, totally absurd.

Then what was that voice,

That left without a trace?

I wondered for a while,

But there was no one within a mile.

So, I gave up my search,

And rested on a perch.

That's when I saw a little boy,

Flapping his hands in the water with joy.

I remembered when on sand I would play,

Make a castle and enjoy seeing it washed away.

Eureka! Eureka! That is it! That is it!

Seemed like I had got a big insight.

Forget leaving a big mark,

Just play like kids in a park.

So, I threw away my stone cutter,

And dived straight into the water,

I swum along with the flow,

And found myself full of glow.

I gave up trying to leave a legacy,

For it seems nothing but a fallacy.

Now I just let myself get thrown,

Into what they call a 'zone.'

Colors of Spring

2011-04-24T11:38:00.001-04:00

Spring 2011 in Bloomington

2011-04-20T12:54:00.012-04:00

This Spring semester has been a very busy one. I have no complaints though, because busy-ness is always good for business. Most of my time these days is spent running experiments for my dissertation. Whatever little time is left after that, gets used up in the routine tasks of running errands, running numbers, or just plain, simple running. Running, of course, is good for you, but it is also important to stop, breathe, and enjoy the beauty in and around us. So in between my runs, I make sure to pause periodically to pay attention to my breath. These pauses help me become more mindful of my mind and environment. The pictures below are the outcome of few such mindful moments while walking on the roads of the beautiful, blooming Bloomington in Spring.

Experiencing Beauty

2011-03-15T23:30:00.015-04:00

There is so much beauty around us, but many of us often fail to notice it. So, we complain about the dreary sky on a cold snowy day, but then fail to look up and notice the beauty of the blue sky on a sunny day. We turn away from a pile of garbage lying in a corner, but we don't turn around to take a closer look at a blooming tree that we just passed. Fortunately, it doesn't take much to notice beauty, because it's all around us. We just need to be mindful enough to notice. But when we do notice beauty, it has an instantaneous positive effect on us. We feel great, we feel energized, we feel happy.

I have several friends who are very mindful of their surroundings. I admire these friends. They inspire me to be more mindful and appreciate the beauty around me. One of them is a young professor at Indiana University who has a special fascination for blue skies. Several times while walking with him, I have noticed him admiring the blueness of the sky. When I asked him why is he so enamored by the sky, he explained that he grew up in an industrialized town in China where there was lot of smoke and pollution. So blue skies look extraordinarily beautiful to him. I have another friend who loves her surroundings so much that she often walks around with an Olympus camera from the 1970s, and takes pictures of anything beautiful that catches her attention. I have wondered why does she have to use a reel camera that is around 40 years old. Why does she not use the super-powerful modern digital cameras? Then I realized that she was not just fascinated with the beauty of her surroundings. She was also in love with the beauty and power of her super-old camera.

Artists, poets and ascetics are paragons of appreciation of beauty. But we don't have to be either to derive great pleasure in what we see. The friends that I mentioned earlier were neither avant-garde connoisseurs nor enlightened sages. They were just regular folks who somehow succeeded in spotting beauty when they came across it. I don't know how they do it, but I have certainly noticed a lot of enthusiasm in them towards life. So, I like to visualize myself as a small kid who is in absolute awe of the world. This helps me stay open to enjoy the aesthetic opportunities around me. I also try to emulate the excitement of my dog (or more accurately, my friend's dog) when she goes out. It's an absolute pleasure to take a dog out, because she gets super-thrilled when you do; then some of that animated energy rubs off on you as well. Earlier, I used to take pictures of my surroundings using my cellphone. Recently, I also bought a small pocket-camera that I often carry around to capture any beauty that I spot. The pictures that I get are, of course, of no professional quality, but they help me rejoice in the fact that I noticed and appreciated the beauty of my environment.

A few random pictures taken over the last month

Boundless Love

2011-03-14T13:44:00.007-04:00

After a long hiatus, there were two posts from me yesterday. And if those weren't enough, here goes one more! J You must be wondering what’s up with me: long silence and then this sudden burst of activity on my blog. Well, it’s Spring Break! So, I am not teaching any classes this week. And because all undergrads are out of town, I am not running any of my research experiments either. So that does give me some spare time to relax and play.

But today’s post is not about fun. It’s in respect of the lives that have been lost in the huge earthquake and destructive tsunami that hit Japan three days ago. Although it was one of the strongest earthquakes in the past century, I didn't realize the extent of human loss until I read the headlines this morning that over 10,000 were feared dead in Japan. That was just a statistic, but the number 10,000 bought back memories of the super-cyclone that had hit my then hometown of Paradeep in 1999. There were over 10,000 dead in that disaster as well. The number 10,000 reminded me of the piles of dead bodies that I had witnessed in Paradeep then. Witnessing a disaster first hand is never the cheap thrill that you get from watching a Hollywood disaster movie. When you witness a disaster first hand, you come face to face with the ephemerality of life. It touches you at such a visceral level that you can never completely forget the experience. Actually, I don’t want to forget that experience, or for that matter, any other suffering that I experienced in life, because these sufferings gave me a deep appreciation of the wonderful things I have in my life. They help me empathize with other people’s suffering. And most importantly they make me realize that the present moment is all that I have with me. There is absolutely no guarantee of tomorrow! So, I want to live my life fully now, in the very present moment. People waste their entire lives longing for the past or worrying about the future. I have done a lot of that myself. But I don’t want to do that anymore. That’s what I have learnt from my own and others' suffering. In essence, what I am saying is disasters will happen, both at individual level and at collective level. They are inevitable. But we can learn to live our present moments filled with the positive energy of love and compassion. If we don’t succeed in doing that then we have literally learnt nothing!

So, let me finish today’s post with a small love song. It’s an Oriya song that I had heard on the radio when I was a kid. I recently sung it for my mom on Skype. She loved it! The lyrics of the song express gratitude to the mother for her boundless love. When talking about mother, I don’t know if the poet is referring to the physical mother or the divine mother. In either case, the song applies to me, because I feel eternal gratitude to both.

Song Title: Maa Tume Mamatara

Movie: Ulka.

Lyricist: Sachi Mohanty

Music Composer: Raju Mishra

Original Singer: Suresh Wadekar

Lyrics Translation

Mother, the extent of your love,

Is like that of the endless ocean.

Mother, for us,

You are the God of our temple.

(In Hindu philosophy, sometimes our body is referred to as the temple. By referring to love as God, the poet is saying that love is the energy force of life.)

Your love is,

The cause of the brightness in our life.

You erase the darkness of the moonless night,

By filling our hearts with fragrant flowers.

You are the epitome of love,

You are a perennial stream of love.

What my eyes have witnessed,

Is only your love and devotion.

You cry in our pain,

And make deals for our happiness.

Only when you see smile in our faces,

Your mind rests in peace.

With your blessings, Oh Mother,

May we live in happiness and laughter.

Oh Mere Shah-e-khooban

2011-03-13T23:45:00.000-04:00

Title: Oh Mere Shah-e-khooban

Movie: Love in Tokyo (1966)

Music: Shankar Jaikishan

Lyrics: Hasrat Jaipuri

Original Singer: Mohd. Rafi

I just love this composition. It's so full of positive energy! I guess it has to be the influence of Raag Bhupali—a very cheerful Raag—on which this song is based.

Lyrics Translation

Oh my sweetheart, Oh my soul of souls!
You're always with me, and no one else.

When the sunshine of thoughts fades,
A candle of hope lits up at every step.
Wherever my shadow goes,
Your image always accompanies me.
Oh my sweetheart...

You're in the desert, you're in the rose garden,
You're in every atom, you're in the wilderness.
Where all did I not search for you,
But you have been dwelling quietly inside my jugular vein.

You're the quest of my eyes,
You're my prayer, you're my desire.
Why would I care to see anyone else,
You're the dignity of my Love.

Oh my sweetheart...

Tum Agar Saath Dene Ka

2011-03-13T16:57:00.011-04:00

Here's my rendition of a beautiful romantic song Tum Agar Saath Dene Ka Wada Karo. The karaoke version that I found on the internet is not of that great quality, but I absolutely love the song, especially its lyrics!

(By the way, I was not singing in the kitchen, although I do that a lot, especially while washing dishes. I was sitting in the small dining space that I have in front of my small kitchen.)

Title: Tum Agar Saath Dene Ka Waada Karo

Movie: Hamraaz (1967)

Music: Ravi

Lyrics: Sahir Ludhianvi

Original Singer: Mahendra Kapoor

Here's a rough translation of the lyrics:

Lyrics Translation

If you promise to be with me,

I will keep singing beautiful melodies (for you).

As you look at me and keep smiling,

I will keep looking at you and sing for you.

Many beautiful temptations have come my way,

But I have not asked anyone out.

After I took one look at you,

I am not able to take my eyes off you.

If you just stay in front of my eyes,

I can escape those beauties who have laid their eyes on me.

The image that I had sculpted in my dreams for years,

You are that image personified,

You may not think that I am your destiny,

But I know you are mine.

If you accept me as yours ,

I will make this life wonderful.

I have walked alone for a long time,

But now (after seeing you) I am not being able to walk alone.

Without having the beautiful you as my life partner,

My time of youth is being unbearable.

If you walk beside me as my life partner,

I will throw a carpet of stars under your feet.

If you promise to be with me……..

Mantramugdh

2011-02-09T21:18:00.003-05:00

Thanks Rama Ma'am for helping me with this picture....

Getting over hope

2011-02-05T17:27:00.004-05:00

A friend once told me, “It is bad to be 29.” She was jokingly fussing about how age was making it difficult for her to stay in shape and run fast. I remember replying something like, “You are right, 29 is bad, but 39 is better, and 69 is really good. You should aim for those numbers.” I don’t know what my friend will say when she turns 30, because for many people, there is a virtual ten years difference between 29 and 30.

I thought age was something which only women worried about, but then I was in for a shock recently when I found myself brooding over my age. I was never really conscious of my age. If anything, I was proud of it. After all, I was taking up stronger mental and physical challenges in my thirties than I did in my twenties. So actually, my age made me happy. But then, few days ago, certain events (or more accurately, non-events) in my life, suddenly made me feel old. From being an ever-optimistic man, I turned into a man who could only think of how miserable his current life was. I just could not believe that I had practically spent 36 years of my life on this earth living a single life. Of course, I had fallen in love before, and even got married one and a half years ago, but the truth was that I was still living a single life. To me it seemed like nothing could be more unfortunate than that. I felt like a complete failure. None of my achievements, good deeds, and the positive influences I had made in people’s lives mattered. They all seemed inconsequential in front of the reality that I was still living a single life.

Now, some of you, who don’t know a whole lot about my personal life, may wonder about the cause of my living a single life. That’s a valid question, and if you are my friend, you definitely deserve to know the answer, at least the summarized one-paragraph version of it. And I am sorry for not having shared this before, but I wasn’t just ready before. I am living a single life because of broken promises…because of lies… I’m living a single life because my arranged marriage turned out to be a clear disaster. Divorce proceedings are now in court, but I don’t know how long it will take for the matter to get settled.

Dreams are powerful; they inspire us. But then dreams get shattered, and when they do, they are extremely painful. If dreams energize us, then shattered dreams leave us completely dejected and defeated. If dreams give us a sense of hope, then shattered dreams leave us hopeless and helpless. It was this feeling of utter despair that engulfed me a few days ago. I felt like my life was an utter failure. It was as if my years had surreptitiously creeped into me. It seemed like I had lost some of the most precious years of my life. The energy with which I had started the doctoral program had got lost dealing with the emotional turmoil in my life. I was now behind in my dissertation, and many of my research papers still remain in half completed state. The most irritable thing for me, however, was that I was still living a single life! I kind of find it funny writing about this now, but during my state of despair those were my real thoughts.

Today, as I am writing this blog post, however, I am no longer depressed. My problems are far from solved; I’m still living my “single life” and will for a while; my dissertation is still not complete, and I still do not have a job. But these things don’t bother me anymore. I now have faith that I will weather all the storms. That’s because now I feel Shakti back in my life. I had lost most of it somewhere along the way, but with the discipline of meditation, I’m being able to re-experience it now. Yesterday, I finished a 40-days discipline of meditation, and it has renewed my faith in my values. I almost feel transformed from a man of hope to a man of faith. As Aeschylus said, all men in exile feed on dreams of hope. Hope is surely better than hopelessness, but it still focuses on external circumstances to improve. If I take the analogy of a card game, hope focuses on getting a good hand after you have been dealt with few bad hands. But good hand, you may or may not get, and even if you do, it may be too little too late, and so you may still end up losing your game. So, the point is to not just hope for better cards in the next round, but to play each and every round with dignity, whatever the cards. I needed a 40-days discipline to realize this wisdom. Call me a slow learner, if you may, but I am glad I am more inner-directed now than I was before. I am happy that I am over my stage of hope. And I vow to the divine grace of Shakti for helping me through this process.

How meditation may change your face

2011-01-30T10:14:00.018-05:00

A couple of days ago there was an article on the New York Times titled, "How meditation may change your brain." The article cited some of the recent research studies that have found strong evidence on the benefits of meditation. The primary focus of the article was a study where people who never meditated before were taught meditation, and asked to practice the learnt meditation technique for 30 minutes a day for eight weeks; at the end of these eight weeks, researchers found substantial changes in their gray-matter of the brain that is associated with memory, empathy, and stress management.

The above report didn't surprise me, because I have been reading research studies on meditation for quite a while. More importantly, I have been practicing meditation myself, and have been personally experiencing benefits that I can attribute only to my meditation. Take the pictures below, for example:

Before Pictures

After Pictures

The first three pictures show my facial expression while running long distance races (as captured by professional photographers of the races) before I started practicing meditation. The last three pictures are from races after I started the habit of meditating during my runs. When I saw these after-pictures for the first time, I was myself surprised by the stark contrast in my facial expressions. Although I was in physical pain in both the Before and After races (because of running-related injuries), somehow meditation had helped me be in a state of peace after I started meditating during runs. Another major difference, which could not get captured in the pictures, was my attitude towards these races. Earlier, I used to be extremely competitive, and always wanted to finish my races with the best possible time, but once I started meditating during my runs, finishing didn't matter so much. What mattered most was enjoying every step of my run to the fullest extent possible. Of course, I am still a novice in meditation, so I was not completely successful in eradicating the goal of a "fast-finish" completely out of mind. However, I believe, the effect was significant enough to enable me to enjoy most of the marathon's distance without worrying too much about my performance. Paradoxically, the biggest surprise of embracing meditation during my runs was that my performance improved dramatically. Yes, my finish-times, actually improved several notches once I started meditating during my races. The maximum improvement was in a road-marathon, where I improved my previous best time by close to an hour. Although part of this improvement could be attributed to my greater experience in running long distance races, I believe it doesn't explain all the improvement, primarily because my amount of practice runs for these races weren't significantly higher than my previous races. So, I believe, the most important factor for improvement must have been my shift from a competitive/performance mindset to the mindset of just experiencing every moment of a run wholeheartedly. Probably, performance mindset consumes a lot of our mental energy, which leaves less available for use on the task at hand.

Although my improved performance may seem to be the most dramatic result here, it was completely besides the point. I will definitely not recommend anyone to take up meditation with purpose of increasing performance, because the purpose of meditation is to free ourselves up from our obsession on performance. It is not to use meditation as a tool to further enhance our performance. If our performance does increase after meditation, I believe, we should consider it just a bonus. The primary benefit of meditation, as I see it, is being able to live in peace. I have a long way to go when it comes to living every moment of my life in peace. However, I am very happy that I have embarked on the journey. From this perspective, I am very grateful to the personal crisis in my life that started it all. Intellectually, I knew quite a lot about meditation and its benefits, but they were not enough to motivate me to start practicing meditation myself. Meditation, despite its researched benefits, seemed like a waste of time for an active person like me. It was not until I found myself muddled up on emotional crossroads that I undertook a spiritual journey that involved meditation. This makes me think, "Although we all hate suffering and try our best to avoid it, sometimes the best gift we can ever receive in life is suffering, because in it lie the seeds of human growth, development and enlightenment."

Om shantih, shantih, shantih!!!

Goofing Around

2011-01-28T14:29:00.018-05:00

Today, I stumbled on a bunch of photographs that had been lying locked up inside my old digital camera. I had just not bothered to transfer the pictures out of the camera. Anyway, after I transfered the pictures, what I saw was definitely amusing. I don't see myself as an actor, but here I was making faces like some comedian. I guess when you are around kids, you can't help not goof around. That's the power kids have. My niece sure turns my world upside down. And frankly, I love the upside down view of the world more than the straight one.

(I don't know who took these pictures; must have been my sister or brother-in-law.)

Why do I run?

2011-01-26T21:26:00.003-05:00

Actually, I haven't run for about 6 weeks now. The reason: "A possible stress fracture in my right foot." The x-ray didn't show any fractures, but the orthopedist said that stress fractures often don't show up on x-rays, and the only way to be sure that it is not a stress fracture is to do an expensive procedure like MRI. However, if I continued to run ignoring my pain, then the possible stress fracture could exacerbate into a fully developed fracture. The thought of having to walk on a cast for 3 months was scary. I loved running too much to be away for running for so long. So, I decided to take the doctor's advice of treating the injury as if it really was a stress fracture, and take a break from running for 6 weeks. In the beginning, it seemed like 6 weeks would be a long period, but then it wasn't that bad. But now, as the 6 weeks come to an end, I can't wait to hit the road again. My plan is start with a short run tomorrow morning. But then as I am thinking about tomorrow's run, I can't help not be conscious of my eagerness to run. So, why do I love to run so much?

It can't be for the prizes, because I hardly ever win anything. It's not even the finisher's medal; I have run full-length marathons where there were no finisher's medal waiting for me at the finish line. It can't just be a fitness goal either, because fitness could be achieved through several means; why do I prefer running? Some of my friends may say that I prefer running because I am good at it, but then to me it seems like I am getting good at running, because of regular running, and not the other way round. There are social benefits of running with friends, but I run even when I don't have a friend to give me company. It's not an issue of trying to lose weight either, because fortunately, I don't have any weight issues, at least not so far. To the contrary, for quite a long time I wished to put on some weight and develop a more muscular physique. I even tried to do some weight training with a friend in Bloomington who is quite a hulk. But then the act of pumping iron in a gym could not hold my interest for long, and I gave up. Call it rationalization, if you may, but now I am very comfortable with my body image. In fact, I like the lean look of a long distance runner more than the sculpted bodies of body builders. The end result is I don't have a clear answer about why I like running so much. Surely, there are some benefits of running, and I enjoy those benefits, but to me it seems like running itself is the biggest benefit. In some ways, running then is like love. If somebody asks you why you love your beloved, you can't come up with a list of reasons (although some people may); you just love. There doesn't have to be a reason for love. Thankfully, I don't need one for running.

Zindagi jab bhi...

2011-01-24T10:28:00.015-05:00

Here's a Ghazal from the movie Umrao Jaan:

Title: Zindagi jab bhi teri bazm mein

Album: Umrao Jaan

Lyrics: Shahryar

Composer: Khayyam

Original Singer: Talat Aziz

I love this song. Khayyam's music, of course, has a purity that is always enthralling, but I also appreciate the beautiful poetry of Ghazals. Although I have translated songs before on my blog, I think I will not do it this time. I am coming to realize that word-by-word translations fail to do justice to the original poetry. So, I am just summarizing the meaning of the song here:

The poet is talking about how the presence of his beloved makes the mundane world look extra-ordinarily beautiful to him... his heart gets filled with the fragrance of flowers... he hears the voice of her beloved calling him to come close to her... But then there is separation. And the memories of her beloved start whispering in his ear... sometimes they knock so loud that he wakes up in the middle of the night. The poet then asks rhetorically, "Why do all meetings always ultimately end up in separation?" He laments that this question torments him constantly.

It's these last lines that are my favorite in this Ghazal. Although the poet laments separation, the lines hit you hard, because they describe the truth of separation being inevitable in life. Actually, I guess, the song came to my mind today, because within the last 24 hours, I came to know of two deaths and a breakup. One of the deaths was of a very good friend of mine from yesteryears, and the other was of a friend's grandmother. The breakup involved a very close friend as well; it was very sad because the couple seemed to be a perfect match for each other. But then, as the line goes, har mulaqat ka anjaam judaai hota hai. Separation is inevitable. The only thing we don't know is when will the separation happen and in what form. But these unknowns are twists enough to make our stomach churn for months (and sometimes years). I guess that's why they call life a roller-coaster. However, even the scariest roller-coaster ride is a mere toddler's toy compared to the jolts that real life provides us. I guess it must have been in this context that Woody Allen said, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him about your plans." But somehow I never cease to make plans. Nor have I stopped sharing my plans with God. After all, somebody needs to keep the old man entertained!

Happy New Year 2011

2010-12-31T16:11:00.010-05:00

Dear Friends,

There is an ancient Sanskrit verse that goes:

सन्तोषः परमो लाभः सत्सङ्गः परमा गतिः ।

विचारः परमं ज्ञानं शमो हि परमं सुखम् ॥

Contentment is the highest gain,

Good company the highest course,

Consideration the highest wisdom, and

Peace the highest form of happiness.

Thus, for the new year 2011, I wish everybody contentment, good company, the wisdom to be considerate, and peace. These are surely ideals that will take many years (or rather many lifetimes) to master, but I pray that we all move a little closer towards that ideal this new year.

Happy New Year!!

-paresh

2010 in Pictures

2010-12-30T18:33:00.005-05:00

ASPIRATION

SUFFERING

MEDITATION

RESILIENCE

JUST BEING PRESENT

All the above pictures were taken in Bloomington.

Learning how to bake a cake

2010-12-28T13:46:00.010-05:00

Three days ago my friend-Rama taught me how to bake a cake from scratch. I had never baked a cake before, not even using ready made cake mixes. So, I thought learning how to bake a cake would be fun. And it sure was. Anyway, after baking the cake, I took a picture of it (the picture above) and posted it on Facebook. The picture attracted quite a bit of attention from my friends. Several of them requested for the recipe. So, I asked Rama to help me bake another cake. Since the first cake was devoured very fast, it was time for another cake anyway :-). This time we shot the entire baking process too. So here it is, a video recipe of an all-natural cake with almond icing:

To watch more recipes from my friend, click on this YouTube link.

Hope you try the cake out! Baking is fun. More importantly, no bakery's cake will ever be as tasty as a home baked one.

Hazaron Khwaishen Aisi

2010-12-27T21:33:00.004-05:00

Today is the birth anniversary of the 19th century Indian poet Mirza Ghalib. So, here's a song dedicated to him: Hazaron Khwaishen Aisi. It was, of course, written by Ghalib. Like most of Ghalib's poetry, this song has perhaps been sung by several singers and in different tunes. The version that I am singing was originally sung by Jagjit Singh for Gulzar's TV serial Mirza Ghalib. By the way, this is another impromptu kind of recording, but I hope you all like it.

Translation of the Song:

(The translation is not mine though. I just copied the translation from this website.)

Thousands of desires, each worth dying for...

Many of them I have realized...yet I yearn for more...

We have heard about the dismissal of Adam from Heaven,

With a more humiliation, I am leaving the street on which you live...

When in love, there is little difference between life and death

We live by looking at the infidel who we are willing to die for.

For God's sake, don't lift the cover off any secrets you tyrant

The infidel might turn out to be my lover!

The preacher and the bar's entrance are way apart

Yet I saw him entering the bar as I was leaving!

Thousands of desires, each worth dying for...

Many of them I have realized...yet I yearn for more

Kabhi Khud Pe...

2010-12-24T15:04:00.009-05:00

Today is the birthday of the legendary singer Md. Rafi. So, here is a song that I would like to dedicate to him. The song is Kabhi Khud Pe Kabhi Halat Pe Rona Aaya from the movie Hum Dono. The song was written Sahir Ludhianvi and composed by Jaidev. I absolutely love this song. In fact, I love it so much, I hate it. The pathos that Rafi brings out in this song is just heart wrenching. My version here is, of course, a very crude attempt. I know there are several places where the intricacies of the song didn't come out well, but it's my first attempt. I will post a revised version of this song later.

Translation of the Lyrics:

Sometimes at myself...

Sometimes at myself,

And sometimes at the circumstances, I cry.

Once the topic comes up, at every topic I cry.

I thought I had forgotten her.

But what happened today, that I started crying?

Why do I live? For whom do I live?

Asking these questions, I cried.

Who cries for another in this world, O' friend?

Everyone is so busy crying about their own problems.

After translating the lyrics of this song, I wonder if should translate songs at all, because I am coming to realize that my translations do not do justice to the beauty of the original poetry.

Mahishasura Mardini Stotram

2010-12-18T16:12:00.003-05:00

Since about a month, I have been doing some chanting as part of my meditation. It has surely helped me a lot in calming my mind. One of my favorite stotrams is the Mahishasura Mardini Stotram, which is on Goddess Durga. Traditionally, it is recited in Raga Revati. I too have been reciting it in the same raga. However, a few days ago an idea came to my mind. I wanted to try reciting Mahishasura Mardini in Raga Durga; after all the stotram is for Goddess Durga. So today morning, immediately after I got out of bed, I decided to try it out. Pretty soon a tune in Raga Durga came to mind that appealed me very much. So, here it is, Mahishasura Mardini Stotram in Raga Durga:

Tujhse naraaz nahin zindagi...

2010-12-17T18:41:00.004-05:00

Here's my freestyle singing of the beautiful song Tujhse naraaz nahin zindagi from Masoom. How much soever strange it may sound, I actually hadn't seen the movie until today, although I always loved the song. By the way, I didn't rehearse the song, and just sang it freestyle. So, please forgive my flaws.

Here's the translation of the song:

I am not upset with you, O' life.. I am just baffled.

I am confused with your innocent questions.

Never ever thought that in order to live,

I would have to take care of sorrows.

That for my smiles, I would have to pay a debt of smiling.

So when I smile, it seems like, I am incurring debt on my lips.

Today, if my eyes get filled with tears, let them flow.

Who knows for whom these eyes will be desperate tomorrow?

Don't know where it got lost, the one tear that I had kept hidden from everyone.

Life, your sorrows have taught me a lot of new things about relationships.

Whatever I get, be it sunlight, or the cool shade of love....

I am not upset with you, O' life.. I am just baffled.

I am distressed by your innocent questions.

The Power of Touch

2010-12-09T12:48:00.008-05:00

I was not planning on writing any poem today, because I wanted to work. But while working, a line popped up in my head, and so I had to pay attention to it. Fortunately, the lines flowed smoothly, and so the poem was done pretty quickly. So, here's another poem from me. I think I will call it, "The Power of Touch."

THE POWER OF TOUCH

There comes a time,

When you cannot climb,

The ladder of life,

Once on which you felt alive.

That is when,

Men and women,

Seek each other,

Father, mother, brother, and sister.

However subtle,

May be my struggle.

It causes stress,

So I need your loving caress.

With the power of touch,

You free the clutch,

Of depressive moods,

That every mind sometimes includes.

Kind words are good,

But wish they could,

Provide solace,

That you feel in a warm embrace.

Thus, give a hug,

For it is a drug.

And be present,

For that will bring all contentment.

So that is it,

In every bit,

When sincere,

A touch can cure, all ills for sure.

Today morning I died

2010-12-07T23:08:00.005-05:00

I have never posted a poem on my blog. But there's always a beginning. So, here's one that I wrote today:

TODAY MORNING I DIED

Today morning I died,

And crossed the great divide.

But there’s nothing to be sorry,

For life before was blurry.

Now the world is clear,

And there’s no sense of fear.

Because I live in the moment,

And that’s the best present.

I still experience pain,

But I’m not waiting for it to wane.

Be it pain or pleasure,

Now everything I treasure.

The treasure’s not to stockpile,

But to throw down the Nile.

For nothing belongs to me,

And that sets me free.

I struggled a lot before,

With what was of yore,

But I had no reason to fight,

After I saw the light.

Now don’t get me wrong,

To Buddhahood do not I belong.

At least not yet,

But with me I have met.

When I looked for me,

I found myself empty.

But emptiness is great,

For it is a creative state.

Even better is death,

When I don’t hold my breath,

For what is to come.

Then all that’s there is Om.

So in the primordial sound,

I lost myself and found.

Today morning I died,

And crossed the great divide.

Will you die unhappy?

2010-11-21T08:33:00.007-05:00

Today, I saw an interview with His Holiness the Dalai Lama on CNN-IBN. The Dalai Lama was being interviewed by Karan Thapar, the host of Devil's Advocate. For most of the interview, Karan Thapar focused on the issue of Tibet. However, when you are talking to the Dalai Lama, you can always expect to hear some great words of wisdom even when the topic of discussion is political affairs. Here's something that caught my attention:

After a long discussion on the problems with respect to the Chinese occupation of Tibet, Thapar asked: God forbid you die before you return to Tibet, will you die unhappy?

Dalai Lama: Not necessarily. When you become a Bhikshu, theoretically [you are] no longer attached with one's family (referring to Tibet and its people as his family).

Karan Thapar: So the attachment has gone?

Dalai Lama: No no no... the important thing is one's own daily life should be meaningful.

This above conversation had a profound impact on me. Detachment is a goal that is talked about a lot in Hindu and Buddhist traditions, but from the above conversation it became clear that even the Dalai Lama had not fully realized the ideal of detachment. It gave me some solace, because I have been struggling to stay in the state of detachment beyond very short intervals of time. But looks like, there is still hope, because one can be happy by making one's daily life meaningful.

Recently, I noticed the wisdom in the Dalai Lama's words being practiced by a friend who recently suffered a heartbreak. Obviously she was under a lot of pain after her partner had walked out of her life. However, she had successfully made changes in her life that made her daily existence very meaningful. She had started meditating, and was trying in her own small way to make people around her happy. Consequently, there was an aura of peace surrounding her that I hadn't noticed before.

The point is that we will never get all that we want in life. And most likely we will not get the very thing that we want the most in life. We can develop an attitude of detachment towards our wishes and intentions. However, I am coming to realize that detachment is more of an ideal that we--lesser mortals--can only strive to come close to. Achieving a permanent state of detachment is very difficult. But thankfully, we can still be happy by working on making each and every day of our existence meaningful. We can all make a conscious contribution to the world daily in ways that make our existence for that day worthwhile. "Living happily ever after" is too lofty to be realistic, but making today a happy day is very doable. So, no matter what happens today, it can always be a meaningful and worthwhile day. I guess that's all there is to happiness.

A Reflective Diwali

2010-11-05T07:03:00.004-04:00

Today is Diwali, the festival of lights. Hundreds of millions of people around the world tonight will decorate their houses by lighting lamps around their houses. Several millions will burst crackers and play with fireworks. Delicious sweets will be prepared, consumed, and shared. People will greet each other, "Happy Diwali." Millions of phone calls, email exchanges and Facebook status updates would be made to wish friends and family a very happy Diwali. People will also make their own personal wishes known to Gods and Godesses. They will pray for more success, prosperity, and happiness in their lives. But in the end, Diwali will be just like any other day, if we do not reflect on the actual meaning and signficance of Diwali. Certainly, we all know that Diwali is the celebration of the triump of good over evil, and that the light denotes the eradication of ignorance through enlightenment. But are we really a little more good after Diwali than the day before? Will we be a little more close to enlightenment when we go to bed after celebrating Diwali? I believe not, at least for the most of us. We will continue to go about living our life the exact same way as we did before. We will be consumed by the same desires and worries that consumed us yesterday. Most of us will not have changed by even a fraction of an ounce. So what is there to celebrate?

Now the above paragraph may seem a little too pessimistic to you. But actually, I am not against Diwali celebrations. I certainly do not prefer modes of celebration that are harmful to our mind, body, and the environment, but I am not against celebrations per se. Celebrations are very good for our mental health, especially when it involves connecting with our near and dear ones. However, I believe that Diwali—or any other festival for that matter—should also be a time for reflection and not just celebration. Let's not just mindlessly celebrate Diwali without doing a deep reflection on our inner selves. Let's identify the demons inside us that need to be slayed, and then take conscious steps to weaken (and eventually destroy) them with the help of the goodness or God in us. Let us spend some time meditating so that we are more mindful of our ignorance and knowledge. Often we have theoretical knowledge about the art of living, but we compartmentalize our minds so much that we fail to consciously apply our knowledge to different spheres of life. Consequently, we continue to suffer from the same anxieties, fear, and disappointments in life over and over again. So, this Diwali, I hope that we all spend as much time on reflection as we do on celebration. The specifics of our reflection will, of course, vary from person to person. But let's set aside some time to think and contemplate on our thoughts, emotions and actions. Let's meditate on the causes and consequences of these thoughts, emotions, and actions. And then let's commit ourselves to a small change that will make us a better and more compassionate human being. That would make Diwali worth celebrating.

Wishing everybody a happy and reflective Diwali!

-Paresh

The Moment

2010-10-24T20:35:00.004-04:00

A lot of my philosophy of life has been influenced by the beautiful songs that I grew up listening. The song "Aane wala pal, jaane wala hai" from the 1979 movie Golmaal is one of them. Of course, I love the melodious music of R. D. Burman and the superb rendition of Kishore Kumar, but what I love most about this song is the inspiring lyrics of Gulzaar.

Below is my crude translation/interpretation of the lyrics. It's followed by a recording of the song in my voice.

The moment that is about to come will soon depart.

If you can, live your life fully in this present moment,

Because this moment will soon be gone forever.

Once, I met this innocent bud,

As it blossomed, it said, "I am leaving happily (probably in love)."

I have seen the moment here, but haven't been able to search for it,

Because the present moment is soon gone forever.

Once, a moment fell away from time somewhere,

But I found an entire story there, not the moment.

After making you laugh a little and cry a little,

Even this moment will be gone forever.

The moment that is about to come will soon depart.

If you can, live your life fully in this present moment,

Because this moment will soon be gone forever.

Hope you liked the song.

Be kind to everyone (including yourself), and try to live every moment of your life as wholeheartedly as you can!!

Kabhi sochta hoon...

2010-10-23T19:35:00.003-04:00

Song: Kabhi sochta hoon

Movie: Majboor

Year: 1974

Music Director: Laxmikant-Pyarelal

Lyrics: Javed Akhtar

Original Singer: Kishore Kumar

My Translation of Lyrics

Sometimes I think, I should say something

Sometimes I think, I should stay quiet

Whatever a person says, and whatever he listens to

Those words follow him for his entire life

Whatever a person gives, and whatever he takes

Those blessings follow the entire lifetime

Whatever may be your dream, not all dreams come true.

Too much of love is also not good,

(Because) when the time of separation comes, it's very painful.

Even when relationships of love break or are let gone,

Your love and loyalties keep following you forever.

Whatever a person says, and whatever he listens to....

Sometimes your mind is desperate for sunshine,

And sometimes the clouds just burst out rains with all their fanfare.

With the blink of an eye, the weather changes here.

Your thirst never dies even if you don't get a drop of water,

And then sometimes, the music of rain just follows you everywhere.

Whatever a person says, and whatever he listens to....

This is all life is about...

2010-10-14T22:03:00.010-04:00

Kisi ki muskurahton pe....

Here is a real sweet song from the 1959 movie Anari. Written by Shailendra, composed by Shankar-Jaikishan, and originally sung by Mukesh, this song urges us to live a compassionate life. I simply love the lyrics of this song! They really don't write such lyrics anymore. Of course, our current poetry reflects the mind and mood of our present society. May be we have all become so engrossed in the pursuit of success that we have forgotten the values of love and compassion. This song reminds us what true life is all about.

Here's my crude translation of the lyrics:

To offer oneself for someone's smile,

To take away sorrows from somebody's life (if you can),

To be there for somebody, with your heart filled with love,

This is the meaning of life.

True, based on the contents of my wallet, I am just a beggar,

But I am very rich in my heart.

Sacrificing oneself for love, that is life,

Getting destroyed to help bring Spring, that is life.

There may be those who believe otherwise,

But I am certain this is the meaning of life.

With relations based on heart-to-heart trust,

The name of love will live on through me.

Even after I die, I will live on in someone's memories,

I will continue to smile in the tear drops of someone.

So, again and again, a flower will teach blossoming buds,

"This is the meaning of life."

Here's my rendition of the song:

Aye Zindagi Gale Laga Le

2010-10-05T16:12:00.012-04:00

Aye Zindagi, Gale Laga Le.....

This is a favorite song of mine. From the 1983 movie Sadma, this beautiful song was written by Gulzar and composed by the great Illayaraaja. Here is my crude translation of the lyrics and rendition of the song (on a karaoke track that I found on the internet).

Oh life, embrace me!

I have embraced each and every sorrow of yours, haven’t I?

Oh life, embrace me!

Giving an excuse, quietly away from the world

Under the screen of my eyelids, I filled my home

I have got your support, oh Life

La la la….

There was a small shadow that had come into my eyes,

But I have satisfied myself with just two drops of tears,

I have reached the shore, oh Life

La la la….

Oh life, embrace me!

La la la….

I have embraced each and every sorrow of yours, haven’t I?

Embrace me! Embrace me!

When life is a helium balloon

2010-09-04T11:45:00.004-04:00

Today, in a moment of deep thought, a vivid metaphor came into my mind. Here it is:

"Life is often like a helium balloon. It keeps moving upward, never staying at any place even for a moment. As it gains height, it expands and expands. Then, it just suddenly bursts."

Like the helium balloon, we are often in a hurry of moving upward on the ladder of success. We don't rest for a moment. We don't take a breath. We forget to love. We forget to appreciate the love of others. The process of gaining height seems so intoxicating. So we keep marching upward. As we move upwards our ego expands. We feel proud that we achieved heights that no one else could. We feel happy that no responsibilities (strings) tie us down anymore. We feel happy that we are relieved of the everyday, humdrum pressures of life (atmospheric pressure in case of the balloon). And then suddenly, alone in stratospheric heights, we just burst apart.

So be thankful of the responsibilities that pull you down. Be thankful of the irritating pressures of life that keeps you humble. There is fun in flying high, but never sever the string that keeps you connected to the ground, and to the people who derive pleasure in your flight.

Kabhi Tanhaiyon Mein Yun...

2010-09-03T00:35:00.011-04:00

Coming back to my blog after a really long time. I was not planning on posting anything today either, but this haunting song kept going on in my mind the entire evening. So, I decided to just sit and sing it. Recorded it as well. Hope you like it.

Song Title: Kabhi Tanhaiyon Mein Yun Hamari Yaad Aayegi

Album: Hamari Yaad Aayegi

Original Singer: Mubarak Begum

Music Director: Snehal Bhatkar

Lyricist: Kedar Nath Sharma

The melancholic lyrics of the song is a little too dark for my taste, but it is certainly powerfully written. The music composition is very beautiful and it was magnificently rendered by Mubarak Begum. Although, both the singer and composer were extremely talented, they quickly faded out of limelight. However, the song continues to haunt lovers of Old Hindi Music.

For download or playing in a separate window, click HERE.

Concert Amritavarshini

2010-06-21T10:49:00.004-04:00

I'm posting a few videos from the concert we had yesterday. Thank you all who attended the concert. Hope you enjoyed the wide variety of performances that included classical compositions, light songs, and dances. We certainly enjoyed performing to a houseful audience.

In this video, I sing two songs. First, is an Oriya song Mayuri go tuma aakashe mu. Second, is a Hindi bhajan Jaise suraj ki garmi se. Hope you like them.

In this video, my friend Aditi sings a bada khayal and a chota khayal in Raag Jaijaiwanti.

In this video, my friend Rama sings a composition in Raag Amritavarshini.

Raag Bhimpalas on Sitar

2010-06-21T08:21:00.003-04:00

Here is a video of my sister's first sitar performance on stage. She is playing Raag Bhimpalas. Enjoy!!

Note: This is an unedited video. The actual playing of the sitar starts from 1:15 on the video clip.

Statistical Modelling of Running

2010-05-19T23:50:00.006-04:00

Akela Hoon Main

2010-05-05T16:54:00.011-04:00

I know this post is over a month late, and I was supposed to have written about my experiences of the IU Mini Marathon 2010. Well, it was a hell of a race, and I sure enjoyed it thoroughly. The day after the race, I also did sit in front of my laptop to type down my race experience, but then I wondered, "Who cares about all the details of my experiences in a running race?" No one. Well, my family and some friends do care, but I can always tell them the details when they ask. I decided to spare you (the reader) the boredom of having to read a narcissistic account of how I managed to finish a half marathon 15 seconds faster than my previous best time. There is a thin line separating the childlike urge to excitedly share your exploits and the narcissistic desire to brag about your achievements. I wasn't sure which part was dominating, so I decided to just not post anything.

Fast forward to the present, I was in a mood to sing today. It's a little odd because, I have not been singing much in a while and am currently all congested with spring-allergies. Plus, I have a huge pile of work on my table that needs urgent attention; if I don't take care of that pile on priority, there is clear and imminent danger of it breaking through my apartment's roof and leaving me roofless. But then you got to sing, when you feel like singing. So, I just jammed for a couple of hours this morning. I also recorded a song titled Akela Hoon Main from the 1962 movie Baat Ek Raat Ki. It is a Mohd. Rafi classic. It's of course, impossible for me to match the finesse of Mohd. Rafi, but I tried my best. Hope you like it. Here's the link to the original song, if you are interested.

To watch the video below in full view on Youtube follow this link.

In case you are wondering, why I shot my shadow and not myself in the video, read through the translation of the lyrics of the song:

I'm all alone in this world

If I have any friend, it's my shadow

I'm all alone, in this world...

I'm not an infatuated moth, nor a crazy fellow

I'm not part of any gathering

Lonely paths take hold of me, who cares about the destination now,

I'm a traveler of the heart

If I have any friend, it's my shadow

I'm all alone, in this world...

Like a lonely swan leaving the banks of a lovely lake

The same way (you see), I, the vagabond is travelling on the crests of waves

Alone beneath the moon and stars

If I have any friend, it's my shadow

I'm all alone, in this world...

Cheer for Failure

2010-03-28T12:55:00.000-04:00

Six days from now is the IU Mini-Marathon. This 13.1 mile road race started the year I joined Indiana University. I have been running it since, bettering my finish time with each attempt. But this year, I am not even sure if I can finish the race. I have had some leg injuries which have prevented me from training adequately for the race. Yesterday, while training for the race with a friend, I had to bail out just after 6 miles, because of the recurrence of severe pain in my leg. So frustrating!

Today morning I received a letter from the editor of a prestigious journal in our field. The research paper on which I had worked very hard over the last one and half years had been rejected for publication. The editor wrote, “I realize this is a very disappointing decision. However, the reviewers offer a variety of constructive comments that I hope will prove useful to you as you continue with this line of research.” Disappointing indeed!!

Frustrations and disappointments are that way inevitable in life, especially if you are trying to achieve something in your life. Almost all of the people who achieved anything substantial in their lives also had experienced big failures. Still who likes failures? So we celebrate our successes but not our failures. However, aren't success and failure two sides of the same coin? Would you ever toss a coin if you and everyone else knew that the coin had heads on both sides? There would be no surprise (and consequently no fun) in always getting a head. Similarly, success becomes pleasurable only because of the possibility of failure.

But the role of failure is not just to provide a contrasting experience that will enhance the pleasure that we get from our successes. Failure is also a critical ingredient of personal growth and development. Can a baby learn to walk without falling? Of course not! Thus, we take absolute delight when a baby stumbles and falls while attempting to walk. Yet, when it comes to our own lives, we get severely disappointed by our stumbles and falls. It is time that we start celebrating our failures as much as we do our successes, because paradoxically failures may be the only sign that we are still on the path of growth and enlightenment.

Cheers to my failure!!!

So, who is the "better catch"?

2010-03-26T19:41:00.018-04:00

Fractal Drawings

2010-03-24T00:55:00.010-04:00

Blazing Ideas

Cupid's Bullet

Self-Doubt

Note: I drew these pictures using different fractals available on http://www.escapemotions.com.

Step Out

2010-03-21T12:51:00.007-04:00

Deliciously Sustainable

2010-03-18T23:55:00.006-04:00

It happened about a month ago. As I do on most evenings, I walked over to my friend Rama's place to hang out, and play with her dog Maggie. Usually my friend's house is very clean, but on that particular day strands of hay were strewn all over her living room. She and her husband had just moved in a bale of hay from Lowe's. My friend was sitting on the floor hunching over a wicker basket, twisting small bunches of hay, and placing them inside the basket. As I entered the room, she turned towards me and gave me an excited smile, the kind of smile that you rarely see in adults. It was the kind of radiant smile that you see in young kids when they are engaged in some kind of creative play, like building a castle out of dirt, for instance. It was obvious that my creative friend was again up to something, but what? She asked if I could guess what she was making. I first thought may be it was some kind of shelter for Maggie to keep her warm in the winter, but then the basket seemed too small for her. Or may be it was some new art idea that she had come up with, but what exactly was she making? I could not think of anything. I gave up. Keeping me under suspense, she said I better wait and watch then. So I waited, saw the product taking shape in front of my eyes, and finally tasted the absolutely delicious rice that she prepared with it.

My friend is a great cook, but never before had her rice tasted so good. It was the best tasting rice I had had in a very long time, and its texture was perfect. The rice tasted so good, I felt like I could eat a lot of it even without the help of any side dish. In some strange way, the hay box had transformed regular rice into a delicacy. My friend had prepared a cooker out of hay and the wicker basket. I could not believe that a cooker which seemed so rural and primitive could prepare such tasty rice. And then I remembered the sheer delicacies which my mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother prepared using the so called "primitive" methods of cooking. I realized nothing beats the old, slow methods of cooking. And here was a technology which allowed slow cooking without the extra-energy demands that usually involve slow cooking.

The principle was very simple. To cook the rice my friend brought rice to a boiling point on a regular stove. Then she turned off the stove and moved the hot vessel containing the boiling rice into the wicker basket that was lined with a thick layer of hay on all sides. She covered the vessel with its lid, and then placed on top of it another lid made out of hay. Basically the vessel was covered on all sides with hay. Hay being an excellent insulator trapped the heat that was there in the vessel, and made the rice cook in its own heat within 40 minutes.

My friend got her idea about the hay cooker from a video she watched on AID's (Association for India's Development) website. Many of my friends in Bloomington volunteer for AID. Surely, many AID members in US must have seen the video, but no one ever thought of preparing a hay cooker here in US. Because the hay cooker was being promoted in a rural village in India, it must have seemed like a rural thing that was not applicable in the context of a developed country like the USA. But my friend saw beyond the context, and with support of her husband had just succeeded in her experimentation with the hay cooker. The proof of the brilliant success of the cooker was of course the yummy rice on our plates.

Now my friend regularly cooks in her hay cooker, and not just rice but a wide variety of dishes. I have attached a few pictures of some of the delicious dishes she has prepared in her hay cooker. Because of the initiative taken by her, a lot of people in Bloomington have now got excited about the hay cooker. You too can try it in your own home!!

Benefits of the Hay Cooker:

It saves energy. Stove time is reduced by approximately 60-70%. That makes it very environment friendly.
Save money. Because you save energy, you automatically save on electricity/cooking gas bill.
Cooks tasty and nutritious food. There is very minimal loss of nutrients in the hay cooker. Contrast this to the traditional cooking where a lot of nutrients get lost in steam. The slow cooking of the hay cooker prevents loss of the natural nutrients in food. This is probably what makes the food cooked in hay cooker so tasty.
Serves hot food anytime. This is one of the best benefits of the hay cooker. If you leave the hot food vessel inside the hay cooker, it will keep the food hot for about 6-8 hours. All this without additional electricity. In other words, you can eat hot fresh food anytime without having to put your food in the refrigerator and then microwaving it.
No burning or overcooking. You can burn your food in the traditional cooking method if you forget to turn off your stove on time, but it is impossible to burn your food while using the hay cooker.

For more pictures, follow this link: http://picasaweb.google.com/ramacousik/HayCooker?feat=directlink

Showing Off...

2010-03-17T17:25:00.008-04:00

No, I am not showing off my car. What's there to show off about my car? It's an old 1996 Honda Accord that I have owned for over five years now. Even if I purchased a brand new BMW, I would not be excited to show it off. I am neither crazy about cars nor about status symbols. So, what am I showing off? What I am showing off is the thing you cannot see. In fact, I cannot see it anymore either, and that makes me very proud. Having survived the heavy snowfall we had this year my car had been covered with a thick layer of dirt, and I cleaned it all today with my own hands.

When I was in Atlanta, the apartment complex I lived in had a car washing area. So, washing the car was easy, but after moving to Bloomington, I always had to take my car to the commercial car washers, because apartments here don't have car washing areas. Mostly I avoided car washes because they were pretty expensive. But recently, inspired by a friend I decided to wash my car in my apartment's parking lot itself. No water hoses here. So, a lot of scrubbing with half a bucket of soap water followed by three rounds of wiping with half buckets of clean water. At the end of it, the car was sparkling clean.

Benefits of this method:

Save money by not going to the commercial car wash ($10-12 for me).
Save gas (fuel) on the trip to the commercial car wash.
Save a lot of water.
Get a good workout (I am all warmed up for my swimming session now).
Satisfaction of having made a small but significant contribution for a cleaner environment.

If you are planning to get your car washed, go ahead do it yourself. Don't feel shy. You can do it, even if you live in an apartment complex with no designated car wash area. Since you are not using a hose, your neighbors will not complain about flooding of the parking lot. Instead, you may have also inspired them to do their bit for the environment.

Mile Sur Mera Tumhara (My Unplugged Version)

2010-02-08T23:41:00.007-05:00

This is a song I grew up listening on the Doordarshan. I don't remember the exact year when it was first broadcasted; Wikipedia says it was in 1988. Comprising lyrics from fourteen different Indian languages, 'Mile Sur Mera Tumhara' celebrated the unity existing in the diversity of India. For the new generation, the original song was recently remade into Phir Mile Sur Mera Tumhara, but I think it is a musical disaster. The new version would be better called Na Mile Sur Mera Tumhara, because it really goes besur (off-tune) in several places. My friend described it really well on Facebook, "Mile sur tera tumhara, besur bane harhara!" Anyway, here is my attempt in singing the original "Mile Sur..." It is a difficult song, but I have tried my best to approximate the nuances of the original song. Please listen to the song, and post your valued feedback. Thank you.

Mile Sur Mera Tumhara (My Unplugged Version).mp3

Meditating on Hollywood

2010-02-06T20:40:00.013-05:00

Who said Hollywood is all glamor and materialistic? Hollywood is probably more spiritual than the greatest saints the world ever had. It follows Hindu and Buddhist philosophies to the core. The biggest evidence for this are the Hollywood movies themselves. In Hollywood, stories never end. They just lead to sequels and prequels. That is life in full circle there. Every end becomes a new beginning, and every beginning another end. Then, look at those 'glamorous' actors and actresses who are reborn in every new movie with a different look and personality. If an actor is a tyrannical king in one movie (read life), in the second he may be a timid simpleton, in the third a suave corporate executive, and in the next just a lowly rat or a grasshopper. Often when in the role of an animal or insect, the actor (read soul) does some really great deeds, which wipes out his bad karma from being a tyrant in a previous movie, and he is reborn as a human being again. Of course, there are some actors who just do the same thing over and over again, but that happens in the cosmos of life as well, when some souls do not learn anything from their current births. It is no wonder then that these actors are usually the muscle rippling action stars, who do not see anything beyond their physical prowess.

Anyway, friends, next time you see me watching a movie, know I am not just watching a movie. Instead, I am meditating on the mysteries of life—mysteries which you can only hope to understand through Hollywood. Hollywood is the microcosm of life. It is the microcosm of the entire universe. Oh, but I got to stop here, because it's time for my next round of meditation. There is no point in I just preaching about Hollywood; you have to experience it yourself. You have to meditate, if you do want to get enlightened. Just remember to breathe well while you are meditating. There is no reason for any 'bated breath' here.

Bloomington Snow

2010-01-11T20:00:00.013-05:00

Indiana University opened today after the winter break. It was great to see Bloomington coming back to life again. As it is during a regular semester, there were students everywhere. But just 3-4 days ago when I was running, the streets of Bloomington were completely deserted. Part of the reason for the streets being empty was, of course, that students hadn't returned from the break, but the other reason was that it was horribly cold and the roads were covered with several inches of snow. Many runners hate to run in the snow, but I love it... I love the soft landing of the feet on snow. Anyway, during my runs I had taken a few pictures of snowy Bloomington on my cellphone. Here are those pictures:

Foot sinking in the snow..

He was as committed to music as I was to my running :-)

Is net surfing bad for you?

2010-01-10T10:42:00.014-05:00

This is going to be a short post, and is basically a response to my friends' comments on my last Twit: "Surfing the net is like window shopping—you lose track of time, get nothing, and end up mentally exhausted and wasted." I first thought I will just write a one-line response, but then I realized that I had a little more to say than just a line or two. So, I thought I will use the blogging platform to write up my response. That said, I will still keep my response very short, because I have to get back to my research papers—the deadline for the Academy of Management conference is just four day away.

Before I write my response, I would first like to thank my friends for their comments. Irrespective of whether they agree or disagree with me, I always value their comments. When they agree, they encourage, and when they disagree, they make me think about the matter more deeply; you need good dozes of both in your life. Needless to say, some of my Facebook friends agreed with my statement and some did not. My friend, Ram commented that surfing the net is the "same as surfing TV channels.. choice of sites/channels matters." While I agree with my friend that choice of sites matters, "surfing the net" often ends being a purposeless and mindless activity for me. I do not mean to deny the excellent value that is in the internet. I myself use it extensively in my research. But I am still not very convinced about the benefits of "net surfing"—at least the way I (and I presume, most people) do it.

I have come to view surfing as a very passive activity, where we idly browse through pages on the internet hoping to find something of interest. Merriam-Webster Dictionary's definition of surfing is not very different; according to it "to surf" means to scan the offerings of (television or the Internet) for something of interest. In other words, surfing the net is more like what you do on the website http://www.stumbleupon.com/. Surfing is not the same as a specific web search that we may do on Google for a particular topic of our interest. Thus, when we are surfing the internet, we are not looking for anything particular, and are basically browsing through several uninteresting pages before stumbling on something interesting. Because we were not looking for anything specific, the "interesting" page holds our attention only for a few minutes, but then our mind prompts us to scan for something more interesting, and the surfing continues. I think this is the reason that surfing is often very addicting—as my friend, Anupama pointed out. The process is not very different from gambling, where gamblers tolerate series of losses before they stumble on a win; the win is appealing but then they think that a bigger win may be in store somewhere round the corner, and the gamble continues—exactly the same way as surfing continues for something more interesting. In the end, we rarely find anything interesting enough, and we end up feeling tired and exhausted—the same way as gamblers end up being broke. So, in the year 2010, my resolution is to avoid surfing the net, and get more involved in the time tested ways of relieving boredom: reading books, writing, running, hiking, singing, swimming, and some movie watching.

Happy New Year 2010

2010-01-01T23:55:00.003-05:00

New year is a time for celebration. For some others it is a time for contemplation. For me, it is mostly the latter, though today I spent most of my day quietly, in hibernation. The rest was essential because I ran a full marathon yesterday, and my whole body was sore from the race. This was my third marathon and my fastest, although I bettered my time by only 3 minutes. Now as the first day of 2010 comes to an end, I am looking back at 2009. It was surely an eventful year. Unfortunately, "eventful" is not always a happy word. But then some bit of pain and gloom is inevitable in life. In fact, they are an essential part of life; without setbacks, the term "happiness" itself would completely lose it's meaning. Thus, I find it odd when people mindlessly forward emails wishing you "12 Months of Happiness, 52 Weeks of Fun, 365 Days Success, 8760 Hours Good Health, 52600 Minutes Good Luck, and 3153600 Seconds of Joy." Is it really possible to feel joy every second of our life? Would "joy" remain joyous if it were to be experienced every second of life? I am reminded here of the famous experiments in which a set of rats starved themselves to death by continuously pressing a lever that gave them joyous ecstasy. Heroin and cocaine addicts do the same. So, for 2010, I wish all (including me) a life that has the right balance of sadness and happiness. Let there be enough struggles and sadness in life so that we can really feel and appreciate happiness in our lives. Happy New Year 2010!!

Blog versus Twitter

2009-12-23T23:29:00.001-05:00

Over the past couple of months I have been twittering quite a lot. My Twitter account has been in existence for over a year, but I never really used it until recently. Now that I use it, I like twittering a lot. Expressing oneself coherently within 140 characters is definitely restrictive, but sometimes artificially imposed restrictions can also fuel creativity. Poetry, for example, is an outcome of such restrictions; the restrictions with respect to rhyming, number of syllables, and verse length help produce a beauty that no prose can match. But don't get me wrong—I am not equating twittering with writing poetry. My point is just that rules and restrictions can sometimes provide the ideal stage for creative expression. I believe the restriction of 140 characters in a Tweet has helped me creatively express some of my thoughts more parsimoniously. As a kid, I was very fond of collecting quotes, but now I have a few pithy ones of my own—thanks to twittering. The best part of twittering is that tweets need much less time investment than blogs—both for the writer as well as the reader. And because tweets make for extremely quick reads, they typically have a much larger audience than blogs. The RSS feeds which allow tweets to show up as status updates on Facebook further increase the reach of tweets. Many of the quotes that I wrote for Twitter/Facebook have been appreciated by my friends. I certainly feel happy about it. Having an audience that appreciates and acknowledges your words can give a person a lot of satisfaction.

Since the updated status messages on Twitter/Facebook almost always have an audience, one does not have to deal with what Virginia Woolf called "the world's notorious indifference." In her book A Room of One's Own, Woolf writes, "[The world] does not ask people to write poems and novels and histories; it does not need them. It does not care whether Flaubert finds the right word or whether Carlyle scrupulously verifies this or that fact. Naturally, it will not pay for what it does not want. And so the writer, Keats, Flaubert, Carlyle, suffers, especially in the creative years of youth, every form of distraction and discouragement." If the world does not care about Keats, Flaubert, and Carlyle, it sure does not care about Paresh Mishra's blog. In contrast to a hundred who may be reading my Facebook updates, probably just about a handful of people read my blog posts. The stat counter on my blog may show that I have several visitors visiting it daily, but I know that most spend just a few seconds on the page. So, does it make sense to invest time on blogging when the world is indifferent towards it? A few of my friends who used to blog pretty frequently have actually stopped doing so, and are more into twittering and facebooking now. Is it time to embrace twittering and say goodbye to blogging? I think NO.

I use Twitter mostly to express some of my thoughts within a sentence or two. Sometimes a single line can influence people much more than a whole book will ever do. A catchy quote easily attract people's attention, and stays in their mind. But it is not a substitute for an essay where arguments and evidence are discussed in detail—exactly the same way as poetry cannot take the place of prose. Each have their place in this world.

I agree that the world is and will always be indifferent to most of the blog posts that are created—mine included. I would certainly be happy when my blog posts are read by a wider group of people, but more than writing for people, I write for myself. Writing helps me put things in perspective. When I draw a cartoon, I again do it for myself—it's my need for expression. Attention is gratifying, but at least for me, the needs for self-reflection and expression are much stronger than my need for attention. So, "the world's notorious indifference" does not disappoint me much. That said, I also want to make a difference to this world. I would like to inspire people to live a holistic life where they are not consumed by the obsession for greater material success. I would like to inspire people to adopt sustainable lifestyles, and take care of mother earth. I would like to change the world, but I will still be happy if I succeed in transforming at least one person. And I know there is one person who is getting transformed by my writing—that's me. That is the power of writing—if not anybody else, it transforms the writer.

Tecumseh Update

2009-12-06T18:57:00.015-05:00

I finished the Tecumseh Trail Marathon that I had this weekend in 5:02:10. It was a very tough race—lots of steep hills and some slippery slopes (because of the ice on trails). Fortunately, there were no major mishaps, though several runners fell and suffered minor bruises. My friend Nick and I completed the race safely.

Did I achieve my peak performance? I would say YES, even though it took me a lot longer to finish than I had expected. My knee did bother me for most of the race, though not in a debilitating way. It was very strange but I woke up with a knee pain the morning of the marathon; the pain was not on the outside of knee that is related to the IT Band, but on the top inside. It's the first time I experienced it, so not sure what it was. Anyway, the pain went away after some moving around inside my house, but it recurred when I started running the race. So, I had to stop several times during the race to apply some pain relieving gel on my leg. My first stop was before the first mile, and that stop slowed me down significantly, because I fell along with a pack of slower runners. With the majority of the trails being single and narrow, it was very difficult to overtake the slower runners ahead of me. It took me over 21 miles to catch up with Nick. My knees (including the IT Band problem) continued to give me some pain through out the race, but not in a major way—the Arnica gel sure helped. Towards the end of the race, it seemed like I had a lot more energy left in me compared to the other runners running beside me. I never thought I would make a dash to the finish line in a marathon, but that's exactly what I managed to do, and it sure felt great finishing strong. Nick finished six minutes after me, though it was just his first marathon.

Finishing a long and grueling race was exhilarating, but the best part was having friends waiting at the finish line. Our friends, Katie and Ana (Nick's wife) had waited outside for over an hour in the bitter cold to make sure that they don't miss us at the finish line. I was very touched by their gesture. In the end, it's the presence of friends that made the Tecumseh very special. May everyone be blessed with great friends in life.

PS: The Tecumseh was one of the most well organized race I have seen so far. The aid stations were awesome! Kudos to the organizers for putting up such an excellent race, and a huge thanks to the generous volunteers who stood out in the cold all day.

Peak Performance

2009-12-03T19:21:00.013-05:00

We all have dreams, and most of us work hard towards realizing those dreams. But the path from dream to ‘realized dream’ is never an easy one. There are always several hurdles to be cleared, distractions to be ignored, and miles to be tread alone. And if these were not enough, occasionally there may be setbacks in life that can put you far behind in your pursuit. One of the reasons, I chose long-distance running as my sport is because it imitates life in the way we pursue goals. In real life, you rarely ever achieve a worthwhile goal by sprinting to it. If a goal is worthwhile, then the journey to it is usually long, tedious, and fraught with (temporary) setbacks.

I am running a full marathon on trails this weekend, and I know it will test me in ways I have never been before. Apart from the fact that it will be my first trail marathon, my biggest challenge would be to finish the distance of 26.2 miles on legs that have had several injuries lately. My major injury has been in—what they call is—the IT Band (short for Illiotibial Band). The injury causes severe pain in the knees while running. The pain got so severe during some training runs that I had to cut them short. So, in consultation with a doctor, I completely stopped running during the last couple of weeks, and have been performing some exercises to strengthen my weaker parts of the leg.

So, am I ready now to run the upcoming marathon? It is difficult to give a straight forward answer to this question, because I have been resting and haven’t had the opportunity to try my limits. But what I know for sure is that I will go much beyond the limits of my body. Many people race against other competitors. But my only opponent in every race (and my life) is myself. Occasionally, while competing with myself, I win a medal in my age group, but I always compete with myself. In a race, I always target to better my previous time, and when I succeed I get immense satisfaction. I have been very fortunate to get this satisfaction in my recent races. But given my current circumstance, for the marathon this weekend, my goal is to just cross the finish line in the best possible time, I can. “To be the best I can be under a given circumstance,” is my definition of peak performance. And a peak performer, I will be—I promise that.

A Runner's View

2009-11-27T21:56:00.011-05:00

This Fall, during my runs in and around Bloomington, I had sometimes taken photographs of the surroundings with my cellphone. Today, while taking a look at those pictures, I got an idea: weaving a picture-story out of those snaps. Hope you like it.

(All the pictures used here were taken this Fall and using my cellphone.)

(Note: The above picture is of my running buddy Nick and me, just before the start of the Knobstone Trail Mini Marathon. It was wet and cold like hell, so much so that the person whom we requested to take our picture could not just keep his hands steady.)

Thillana in Raag Dhanasri

2009-11-26T21:51:00.007-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving to all! And a very special thanks to my friend Rama who has helped keep music alive in me. Here is a Karnatik classical song that I had learnt from her a couple of months back. This Thillana is in Raag Dhanasri and was composed by Sri Swati Thirunal from the 19th century.

The vocal versions of this composition are typically much slower than what I present here. My song goes very fast, because I sang along with a recorded instrumental version of the composition which goes at a fast tempo. All the connoisseurs out there, I am just a novice, so please pardon the flaws in my rendition.

Thillana in Raag Dhanasri - Paresh.mp3

A Small Winner

2009-10-17T18:44:00.008-04:00

After being "a bigger loser" recently, it was a real pleasure to be a small winner today. I ran a 5K today at McCormick's Creek State Park, and clocked my best time so far for a 5K—20 minutes 45.8 seconds. In terms of magnitude, I was only 10 seconds faster than my previous best time. However, this small achievement meant a lot to me, because I have been sick this entire week with severe cough and cold, and the running course—with all its hills—was not any easier than my previous races.

In a parking lot of the McCormick's Creek State Park.

Photographed self on my cellphone after the race—couldn't resist the beautiful fall colors.

On second thought

2009-10-12T17:40:00.009-04:00

I haven't written anything on this blog for quite a long time now. It's not that I did not have anything to say. On the contrary, there has been a lot on my mind, and that was the problem. Life sometimes can be tough, very tough. But I am definitely not the kind to sit and complain about life. I know some people do and perhaps enjoy doing that; I once had a graduate assistant who had a blog which was all about—in his own words—"bitching about life." I don't mean to say that I have never felt overwhelmed by the challenges that life has offered—I have. Sometimes, during moments of weakness, I have felt that life has been a little too unfair on me and given me a larger share of problems. But on second thought I have realized that many of the greatest souls on earth always had more than their fair share of problems. It is the life's unfair share of problems that helped transform these otherwise ordinary beings into great ones. I have no delusions about becoming a great man, but I now know that life's problems provide opportunities for us to become better, tougher, and greater than what we were before. So, I am thankful to life for the problems it throws my way, and I say "Give me more." "Life, I know how to deal with you; you may beat me down for a while, but I will always be back on my feet... jumping and kicking higher."

Mangalam by the IVE

2009-10-04T18:18:00.004-04:00

Here is a clip of Vedic chants that we had performed with the International Vocal Ensemble of Indiana University in 2007. It was my friend Rama's idea to do these vedic chants. The dance was choreographed and led by another friend Srividya.

To see the video in its full size, double click on the video and open it in Youtube.

The Bigger Loser

2009-09-12T13:46:00.004-04:00

Since the time I started running long distance in 2005, I have run 17 races so far (one full marathon, six half marathons, one 15K, two 10Ks, and seven 5Ks). I have been proud of the fact that I have always managed to improve upon my times in these races. Occasionally, I have even managed to win a winner or runner-up medal in my age-group, but that has always been a bonus for me, because my aim has been primarily to finish faster than I did before. Unfortunately, I failed in accomplishing that aim today. I ran a 5K today and finished in 22 minutes 10 seconds—1 minute and 13 seconds longer than my previous 5K time. Disappointing!

Success makes you happy, but failure makes you think. And so I wonder why did I run out of gas today? I sure started a bit too fast and ran out of energy early in the race. I overestimated my abilities. And I definitely didn’t train enough. It, of course, shows on the scale. Over the last 15 years, I have had a constant weight of 62 kgs (or 137 pounds). My parents, of course, didn’t like it—they thought I was too skinny—but I was happy that age didn’t put a paunch on me, the way it did on most my friends. Things, however, have changed during the last couple of months—no, I haven’t developed a paunch yet, but I have definitely gained a little over 2 kgs (5 pounds) in just two months. Guess, I have been eating too many ice-creams and running very little. Since my weight stayed constant over 15 years, I guess I assumed that it will stay that way forever, and I slacked off. Since I have been continuously improving on my times in races, I must have automatically assumed that I will improve this time as well, and that was my biggest mistake—I got used to my time improvements and unconsciously assumed them to happen automatically. No wonder I lost today.

It’s time to get back to work now. Failures happen. We learn from them and move forward. That’s the way to grow; NOT by adding inches to one’s waistline… Ha! Ha!

The Right Angles

2009-09-03T00:24:00.000-04:00

IU CultureFest 09

2009-08-28T23:10:00.002-04:00

Chappa Chappa Charkha Chale at the IU CultureFest 09 in Bloomington.

A beautiful dance by my friends at the IU CultureFest 09 in Bloomington.

Mushrooms in Water-Color

2009-08-17T22:39:00.009-04:00

Here are a few pictures of beautiful mushrooms (and mushroom-shaped structures) that I had shot at different times in and around Bloomington, IN.

Meri Maa...

2009-07-22T16:18:00.003-04:00

This song is for my lovely mom:

Meri Maa (By Paresh).mp3

Original song sung by Shankar Mahadevan

Album: Taare Zameen Par (2007)

Music Director: Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy

Second Chance

2009-06-03T19:00:00.001-04:00

Flowers and a Dream

2009-05-24T21:51:00.009-04:00

Nothing profound over here.. just a few pictures taken on my cellphone, celebrating the beauty of life... All pictures, except the last, were taken in Bloomington. I took the last one on IUPUC campus when I was visiting Columbus this week. I loved that rock sculpture of the globe floating on books—made me think that books keep the world going. My close friends know I have a dream, a really big one—to open libraries and make books available to people in India. There is so much pleasure and knowledge that one gains from reading a good book. Yet, there are millions out there who have never experienced this joy. I know I will fulfill my dream—I just hope it's not too far from now.

Reverse Causality: An Oriya Song in Raga Gaud Malhar

2009-05-19T23:22:00.005-04:00

This weekend we had a concert at Indiana University's Leo Dowling International Center to celebrate Composer's Day. Many talented students performed at the concert. I was scheduled to sing three songs, including one of my own compositions. But then I just performed one—a song that I had learnt from my mom as a kid. I did not sing more because of being too sick with allergic sinusitis. However, it was a pleasure to sing with the talented Shankar Brothers who played the Mridangam and Gattaam for the song.

The song that I sing is based on Raag Gaud Malhar—a Monsoon raaa. According to legend, the power of the raag is such that musical maestros could bring in rain by singing this raag. It was also raining when I sang this song. But of course, it was reverse causality in play there. I didn't cause the rain; I just sang a song in Raag Gaud Malhar to fit the mood of rain. That's all we amateur musicians can hope to achieve.

760's Photographs

2009-05-16T08:32:00.025-04:00

I have posted drawings on this blog, but never any photographs. So, I thought, "Why not some photographs?"

You might be wondering, "What's special about these photographs?" Well, two things. First, they all show different parts of the beautiful campus of Indiana University, Bloomington. Second, these pictures have all been taken on a cellphone—my new Sony W760a—and not on a regular digital camera. I never thought one could get such good quality pictures from a cellphone's camera. The resolution of the camera is not much—only 3.2 mega pixels—which would be considered too low by today's digital cameras' standards. But the above pictures show that the megapixel argument is nothing more than a myth and marketing gimick; if you click on the pictures, you can see them in their full resolution. Of course, my cellphone camera doesn't have image stabilization, flash, and fast shutter speed—features that are very important while taking pictures in poor lighting or of moving objects. Yet, for regular still pictures it works great.

Hopelessly Hopeful

2009-05-13T23:32:00.004-04:00

Research indicates many of our hopes are actually 'false hopes.' At different points in life, we have all attempted to change something about ourselves and failed. It could be instances of trying to lose weight, quit smoking, workout regularly, start running, study regularly, or something else. Most of us have all made New Year's resolutions and failed to keep them. Most likely we all started working on improving our lives with great enthusiasm. We may have even achieved intial success in changing ourselves, but then something happened (or didn't happen) and we relapsed to our poor old selves—we failed. Research indicates that people tend to make the same resolutions year after year, vowing on average 10 times to eradicate a particular vice. A very small percentage of people succeed in attempts of self-change, and those who do, do so only after an average of five to six times of failure. In other words, according to some research, the high hopes we harbor about bringing about great positive changes in ourselves may all actually be false hopes. We continue to make the same resolution year after year, obviously because our past attempts failed. Yet, we are often oblivious to these failures—or at least, don't factor them while estimating the likelihood of our success—and believe we can change ourselves.

Even when we improve, our improvement is often very temporary. Take dieting for example: In a study, researchers found that about a third of patients regained weight within a year of losing it, about two-thirds regained it within three years, and 80% to 90% regained it in five years. Weight is fortunately not a problem for me (yet), but the general arguments about false hopes makes me wonder if all (or majority of) our hopes are really false hopes. What do you think? Are all our dreams actually mirages? Are we all chasing mirages?

If changing ourselves is so difficult, imagine how difficult or impossible it would be to change a society or a nation. Today I watched an interview of the Dalai Lama on CNN.com. In response to a question by Fareed Zakaria about how hopeful he was about the resolution of the Tibet issue, the Dalai Lama said, "When we look Tibet issue locally... then [it is] hopeless. [However,] if we look Tibet issue from a wider perspective, I feel much hope." These words from the Dalai Lama got stuck with me. I wondered, "How can the Dalai Lama be hopeful, when the Chinese government's power and aggressive posturing on Tibet has been increasing continuously over several decades?" After some thought I realized that what the Dalai Lama said about Tibet is actually applicable to all areas of our lives. Things seem hopeless only when we see things from a narrow perspective; from a broader perspective, even the most hopeless situation can be very hopeful.

Going back to the research studies I discussed earlier, the findings seemed depressing because the researchers saw the problem from a narrow perspective. Technically, those studies had a within-subjects design, i.e., the effect of a particular treatment (viz., diet or resolution) was measured by how subjects did before and after the treatment. In almost all cases, subjects trying to lose weight regained the weight they lost—this then became the argument and evidence for false hopes. A broader perspective of looking at the same problem would have been comparing dieters with non-dieters, or comparing the (false) hopeful dieters with those who were not optimistic—between-subjects designs. I am positive a marked difference would be found between these two groups of people on health parameters. The dieters may have regained the weight they lost, but their hope and optimism would ensure that they would have significantly less negative health indicators (e.g., level of bad cholesterol, etc.) than those who don't even try because of less hope. I would bet that the dieters—despite their failure in maintaining a weight loss—would have significantly longer life span than those obese people who never tried to change.

In summary, my point is that it is ok to have false hopes. False hopes may lead to disappointment, but even in the disappointment we move far ahead than what we would have without harboring any hopes. Not having any hopes would mean living a life of despair—we know that such negative emotions suppress the immune system. So, let's live a life of hope—even if it may be false hope—because feelings of hope bring smiles to our faces. It allows us to enjoy life and laugh freely. Let's fail ten thousand times and still be hopeful like Thomas Edison, "I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work." Success and happiness, I believe, are always filled with hope.

Running Lessons from IU Mini 09

2009-04-10T23:00:00.011-04:00

In my previous post, I shared with you my experience of running the 2009 IU Mini Marathon. This was my sixth half marathon, and I was very happy that I completed the distance of 21 kilometers (or 13.1 miles) substantially faster than my previous half marathons. I have been consistently improving on my timings, but I didn't expect to improve it this time because of two reasons:

not enough training runs before the race, and
the several rolling hills that are part of the IU Mini's course (My previous best time was on a course that was relatively very flat).

Unexpected occurances—positive or negative—are always potentially great learning opportunities. So, I spent some time pondering over what factor(s) could have influenced my better timing. I concluded that I had done a few things right—I was just not mindful of those things before. Here are my lessons (I hope some of you find them useful):

Running is not the only form of training for a long distance race. You may say, "That's obvious—all seasoned runners do a lot of cross training through swimming, cycling, weight training, etc." Yes, they do, but they do those things in addition to their running, not in place of running. I hardly ran in the weeks before my race—I was avoiding running because the cushioning effect of my running shoes had worn off and training runs on roads would have strained my knees too much. However, I stayed physically active through Badminton, Squash, Hapkido, (occasional) Swimming, and (regular) Pranayama. Often these activities went beyond two hours per day, thus providing good endurance training. The benefit of games (such as squash and badminton) is that they provide excellent endurance training without people feeling bored of the activity. And Pranayama is, of course, excellent for increasing the capacity of one's lungs and overall wellbeing. I'm not suggesting that one need not train at all through running; I'm only trying to highlight the role that other sports and physical activities can play in providing you with the required endurance training.
Training runs are more important for your muscles than lungs. Training runs are important, but more for your muscles than lungs/heart. When you run any distance longer than 10 kilometers, you are using a particular set of muscles over and over again for an extended period of time. Unless these muscles are used to working out for very long periods of time, they will get fatigued and may result in severe cramps. I believe the reason I got severe cramps towards the end of my race was my severe lack of long distance training runs this time. Although my other physical activities had helped me stay cardio-vascularly efficient (and perhaps improve it), I hadn't trained my muscles to sustain long periods of abuse.
Experience helps you know your "self" better. The important thing about long distance races, is maintaining the 'right' pace. You learn the 'right' pace for a race after running several races. It is a good idea to keep a log of your runs and races—knowledge of how different paces worked for you in the past will be very helpful in determining your pace for a current race. Most novice runners either start too slow or too fast, which in turn affects their overall time. I am an amateur runner as well, but I am gradually getting a better idea of how to pace my races. My running log has certainly helped, but it is not just the running log. With more experience I have come to understand my body better—so, based on how I feel, I have learnt how much more I can push myself in a race.

IU Mini 2009

2009-04-04T23:43:00.006-04:00

First, the good news: I ran a half-marathon (The IU Mini Marathon) today and finished it in 1 hour 43 minutes 30 seconds—my best time so far. My previous best time was 1 hour 47 minutes that I had recorded at the Geist Half Marathon last year.

The funny thing is that I didn’t expect to better my time today. First, Bloomington’s course with all its rolling hills is not good for setting personal records. Second, and more importantly, I hadn’t trained well for this race. In fact, my training was so less that I was even contemplating not participating in the IU Mini this year. I was running only about 2 to 3 miles a week, and my longest run was just a 5 miler two weeks back. But then I thought, “I have been running the IU Mini every year since its inception in 2006…I can’t miss it now…let me run it even if I take longer to complete it.” I was hoping to finish the race in about 2 hours.

I started slow—at the pace of about 8.5 minutes a mile. But since I was feeling good, I increased my pace after the fourth mile. Things went smooth until the 9^th mile, after which my right knee started bothering me. I should have changed my old shoes, I thought. I had continued using my shoes much beyond its life time to save money—that’s the life of a poor grad student. Anyway, I continued running despite the pain, because I was feeling good otherwise. By the time I completed 12 miles the pain was pretty severe, but I kept telling myself that I was very close to the finish. However, a couple of hundred meters later, both my calf muscles suffered severe cramps. I could literally feel those muscles expanding and contracting with every painful step that I took. I kept running, but those muscle contractions became very severe. I feared the worst—that I may not be able to finish my race, if I kept running. So, I started walking. People who were behind me started overtaking me, but that didn’t bother me because I was not racing against anybody. Then, one runner shouted from behind, “It’s almost done man—keep going.” For some reason, those words put me back on my feet—I started running again. Fortunately, it seemed like the cramps had disappeared too. So, I ran very fast, using my lungs to their optimal capacity. I overtook a lot of people in front of me, and finally finished in a time that was a personal record. I was elated!

In today's blog post, I was planning to write about the lessons that I learnt from today's race. But it's too late now, and I'm very tired and sleepy. So, let me talk about the lessons in my next post.

What Counts

2009-04-03T21:19:00.004-04:00

When you haven’t blogged in a long time and there are a lot of things to say, it is often difficult to write anything at all—you don’t know where to start. So, let me just start with a quote that I came across today on an academic listserv that I subscribe to. The quote is from Mitch Albom’s book Tuesdays with Morrie.

“So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they are busy doing things they think are important. This is because they are chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to the community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.”

I like this quote very much because it highlights the fact: what seems really important to us in the short run is often of least consequence in the long run. Yet, people (and that includes me too) often get so carried away with the external trappings of life that we forget to nurture the things that are most important in life. This reminds of another famous quote (attributed to Albert Einstein): “Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.” I hope all of us develop the wisdom to recognize the things that count in life, and discount the things that don't.

May all be happy;

May all be without disease;

May all look to the good of others;

May none have misery of any sort.

Zindagi Dene Wale Sun...

2009-02-27T21:24:00.005-05:00

Zindagi dene wale sun, teri duniya se dil bhar gaya... There is so much pathos in those words! Talat Mehmood, with his golden voice, had sung this song for the 1953 movie called Dil-E-Nadan. I love this song. Of course, it's best heard in Talat Mehmood's melancholic voice, but this song was running in my mind today the whole afternoon—so, I thought I might as well sing it after reaching home. Fortunately, I found a karaoke. So here goes my attempt at singing this beautiful song.

Lyrics: Shakeel Badayuni

Music Composer: Ghulam Mahommed

Zindagi dene wale sun - by Paresh.mp3

Pictures and Words

2009-02-25T12:27:00.003-05:00

They say, "A picture is worth a thousand words." But occasionally those thousand words are just a jumble of words huddled together in a manner that makes no sense whatsoever. In response to my previous post—Innergy—I received two messages from my friends asking me to clarify what my drawing was all about; looked like my “thousand words” were not making sense to others. So let me give a brief verbal description of what I was trying to convey through my picture.

To explain Innergy, I will have to talk about Dis-ease as well, because in my mind they are two sides of the same coin. Dis-ease focused on our obsession with success that turns us into workaholics. We are not at ease if we are not working. We lose our sleep over not working hard enough, or over not progressing as quickly as we would like to towards our goals. The result of this unease—or dis-ease, as I call it—is a disease and results in illness. I believe a lot of our physical ailments have their origin in our minds. So we can continue to stay obsessed with success at our own peril.

Innergy, on the other hand, is about the energy that we get from love. Love is full of life—it is lively, spirited, and vivacious; in sum, it makes us energetic. Unlike the guy in Dis-ease who was working to succeed, the woman in Innergy is reading something that she loves. I wasn’t sure how to depict her inner motivation but I was hoping that the background of the picture will convey the abundance of her love. So, while the individuals in Dis-ease and Innergy are both working late night—the time showing on both their clocks is the same—only the former is anxious, edgy, and tense. With depleted inner energy, he has to rely on caffeine and nicotine to keep going. However, the person in Innergy gets all her energy from love—so even plain water keeps her going. I tried to depict the love in her spirit through the picture of her baby on the table; her baby too is quietly tucked in the bed and is within her vicinity, so that she can keep an eye and promptly respond to the baby’s needs. The lighting out of the table lamp illustrates a sense of calmness in the environment, unlike the bright lights in Dis-ease.

Paradoxically, when a picture needs so many words to be explained, it might just be a picture that isn’t worth a single word. But that’s OK with me, because I love the work involved in the expressing an idea visually. If the visual is not obvious to the reader, I will gladly provide further explanation for those interested. I am here just to express a few thoughts; I will try my best to communicate those thoughts to those who are keen to listen. Sometimes, the thoughts may get lost in one medium because of my undeveloped expressive skills in that medium, but I will try to augment it through another medium, in which I may be no better. I hope pictures and words together should get the message across.

Innergy

2009-02-24T22:19:00.003-05:00

Dis-ease

2009-02-24T08:57:00.005-05:00

Devdas

2009-02-20T22:43:00.002-05:00

When Recycling is Bad

2009-02-17T12:43:00.010-05:00

Don’t get me wrong—I’m all in favor of recycling. Today is the age of recycling, or rather today “should be” the age of recycling. Although lots of people have taken up recycling seriously, the majority still does not put much effort into it. The benefits of recycling are only too obvious. So yes, we should all recycle materials, as much as possible. However, materials are not the only things we recycle.

If you ask me, a unique form of recycling is what I call "thought recycling." Let me explain. Many times, people often spend years (decades!) recycling negative thoughts. These thoughts may be with respect to self, a loved one, a lost love, one’s boss, a coworker, a personal failure, an injustice, and so on and so forth. None of us—except probably infants—are immune to this form of recycling. Much to my detriment, I have engaged in this form of recycling myself. A little bit of rumination—so to say—actually may be necessary and helpful, because it helps us make sense of painful events in our lives. However, we should not allow this type of thought recycling to continue for long, because thoughts degrade with each cycle of the recycling process, ultimately creating toxins.

We not only recycle negative thoughts, but also recycle positive thoughts. All of you would agree that recycling positive thoughts would be good for us. Yes, they generally are, especially when they boost our self-esteem and self-efficacy. However, excessive recycling of positive thoughts can be problematic as well. When we recycle our positive thoughts too much, we run into the danger of transforming ourselves into conceited and narcissistic individuals.

The last type of recycling that I would like to talk about is "idea recycling." This form of recycling is seen more often among people who are in the business of ideas—for example, people in the academia and those pursuing creative arts. In the field of management research, for example I know of several people who have made a career out of recycling the same idea over and over again. A researcher may churn out several similar papers from just a single idea. Call this re-search at its best. That said, re-search is not entirely a bad thing—one certainly has to investigate a phenomenon several times and in a variety of contexts to be able get a thorough understanding of it. However, some researchers in their obsession with advancing their career only engage in recycling of some one else's or their own ideas rather than spending time pondering over a phenomenon to gain a deeper insight; in other words, take a short-cut to success. They don’t think much and take the easy way out by re-searching. I would call this the “Death of a Researcher.” Unfortunately you will find a lot of these zombies walking around in every field that involves generation of ideas. You will know what I am talking about if you recollect the times when you came out of a movie theater, heavily disappointed because the movie was nothing but a lazy rehash of an old plot.

I would rather engage in pondering rather than pandering but how will I complete my Ph.D if I wallow in that luxury?

Getting rid of Valentine's Day

2009-02-15T23:05:00.005-05:00

India is a land of many controversies—love, or more specifically the expression of it, is one of them. Fundamentalist groups of different religions—such as the Ram Sena in Mangalore and Dukhtaran-e-Millat in Jammu & Kashmir—have created a huge hue and cry about the inappropriateness of celebrating Valentine's Day in India.

I didn't care much about Valentine's Day. Frankly, I didn't even know that there existed something called Valentine's Day until the mid 90s when I went to Hyderabad for my Bachelor's degree. Since I was very good with general knowledge (GK) and regularly won prizes in GK competitions at school, I think I'll attribute my childhood ignorance about Valentine's Day to it not being a major part of Indian culture until the 90s. As far as my understanding goes, Valentine's day became popular in India only during the 90s with the onset of cable television and after the Indian economy opened itself up to the outside world. Many people sure must have been celebrating Valentine's day prior to the 90s but I guess it must have been an affair only amongst the urban elite.

The commercialization of love with Valentine's day cards, gifts, roses and red balloons surely turns many people off. The people who are put off includes not just religious fundamentalists like Pramod Muthalik (Sri Ram Sena's chief) and Asiya Andrabi (the leader of Dukhtaran-e-Millat), but also liberal citizens in India and the West. A commercialization that creates pressure on people to gift a dozen roses as if one rose meant less or inferior love, is something that should be deplored. But that does not give anyone the right to be violent with anyone. So when I hear news about religious fundamentalists in India harassing young couples on Valentine's day, I feel violated. I get mad when Asiya Andrabi's group threatened to throw acid on women who celebrate Valentine's day and don't wear burkhas in Kashmir. I get mad when I learn about incidents of Hindu goons going on a street rampage, harassing young couples, and destroying property.

I may not have been much of a Valentine's Day celebrator, but I don't think there is anything immoral with Valentine's Day celebration either; it's after all a festival of love—the same love that is epitomized in the shringar ras of Lord Krishna. Valentine's Day per se may have been alien to India, but the emotion of love is not. For that matter, even the so called dirty word "sex" is part of our rich Indian heritage. We are the land of the kamasutra. I know of no other country and no other religion where places of worship have explicit depiction of sexual positions.

Come on Mr. Muthalik, let's celebrate love. Let's celebrate love making. It is the core of being Indian—after all we did not become over a billion strong just out of thin air. I guess you (and your likes) are not upset with love and sex, but with the Western connection of Valentine's day. Now, that's fine, but don't get violent because of that—by doing so you are only alienating people who would otherwise have been your staunch supporters. For example, I am not in favor of the propagation of the pub culture and would support campaigns that discourage alcohol consumption among youth. However, you and your organization members have pissed me off very badly by, because of attacking and harassing pub goers in Mangalore. In fact, your despicable acts has pissed me so much that I was a Valentine's day enthusiast this year. I distributed chocolates to all my friends whom I met on Valentine's day. Unfortunately, I didn't have my Valentine around me, but if I did I would have painted the whole town red.

Yes, Mr. Muthalik you are succeeding in converting people, but only in the opposite direction of what you intended. By coercing and threatening people with violence, you are only creating a rebellious generation. That is the only reason, you were the recipient of thousands of pink chaddies (panties) this Valentine's day. You may have returned the chaddies with pink sarees, but what would you do if you received soiled and sperm stained chaddies next time?

If you really want to get rid of Valentine's day, why don't you use something more intelligent and less coercive? For a start, you could change the name of Valentine's day to (say) Kishen Kanhaiya Day—after all changing Western names to Indian ones has been the core responsibility for Indian politicians in the last decade. If Victoria Terminal could become Chatrapati Shivaji Terminal, why cannot Valentine's Day become Kishen Kanhaiya Day? You may not be a politician, but you could campaign for such name changes, and politicians would be happy to oblige. And you know what, you could spend your supporters' money in collaborating with an advertising agency that will make the Krishna's color of blue as hip as red. For all you know, Pepsi may sponsor your campaign for a blue makeover of Valentine's day and you won't have to depend on street ruffians to collect money for you. Now don't think I'm just making fun of you (and the Indian politcians) by giving such bizarre suggestions—of course, I am making fun of all of you, but there is a note of seriousness in it as well. You can change people only through persuasion, not through coercion. Even the bizarrest and and seemingly stupid attempts of persuasion are better than acts of coercion, harassment or violence.